Brace yourself 2015 is coming

well, hello...such a long long time i never been here to post any rubbish...
By the way here i am already be in a place called North Maluku. It's been relaxing knowing that the place isn't much trouble as i thought before coming here..or not yet?? Hope everything will be as I want it to be.
First of all, i want to write the things i wanna do for next year, eh, but why do i write it here? because I always keep things to do in my own journal, afraid that I might be losing it so I put it here...i guess you should just read it otherwise you could leave it (quite rude, huh?).
Next year, i will

• Open saving for going Hajj....at least each month give it Rp 300.000,- (minimum) so each year I'm going to have Rp.3.600.000,- (minimum) and of course the minimum saving per month will be keep adding each year, so after 10 years just count it...to much zeroes...lolx...so I will be doing it before I reach age 40 years old..aamiin..
• Invest some of my money to any stuffs here..like farms,cattles (livestocks), fishery, etc,,,,For the first step, I will try to invest on goats because the price is quite affordable for me as a newbie. Maybe for starting I will have 3 goats and keep it to the person whom I trust to take care of them. Probably I won't do it here but send money to my parents and let them do the things, the royalty just easily divide between me, them, and person who take care of it. It should been done before Idul Adha, like 5 months before it. Just give it Rp 8.000.000,- for starter. Actually i wanna do it after I graduate from college, but parents change their minds so they ask me to keep the money. I wanna have also a speedboat for going jailolo-ternate freely lolx....
• Enjoying life by travelling, learning how to swim so i could do diving or just snorkling, fooling around these beautiful places...Just wanna enjoy my young life this year because I have my own earning. Save the money for travelling of course. Going to each of places of my friends in North Maluku, it's going to be fun.

So the theme for 2015 is "The Saving Year". Saving for the better future....

North Maluku-West Halmahera-Jailolo for 2015

It's been a long time since last time i shared the post here on my blog. Noticing that the last time was on June. There I saw that my weight was 62kgs and now it was 60kgs wow...couldn't believe it. Because since I moved work from STIS to BPS i got a lot of food to eat there (got extra job with extra food..so happy). I think it was because of too much activity and go home late in the night. But I didn't get a chance to do some work out again so I was thinking that I'm gaining much weight now. But I have to maintain this thing well enough. Well forget about weight thing, if i want to eat much just go directly to the veggies or fruits for better solution. My digestion system also still good, I do that at least 1-2 times in a day. Great!
For the hottest topic I'm going to write something here. That soon enough I will leave Jakarta...and Java island for maybe more than 2 years. I have never left this island for whole of my life. Never used air transportation and water transportation either. So poor of me... :D
But soon, for working and the next career I'm going to leave this place to the farther east part of Indonesia. It is in North Maluku province for more detail is West Halmahera region, which I already have searched and browsed it lies on Jailolo town (small town i guess).
I have read and paid attention about access to go there from Jakarta. Airplane ticket is around 2million rupiahs (OMG T.T) from Jakarta-Ternate. And how to reach Jailolo? I read that it could be possible by speedboat from Ternate harbor (i forgot the name) to Jailolo harbor. It only take 50.000 rupiah. I guess i can deal with it. Hope so! Yes It quite expensive than the other place especialy from Sumatra or Kalimantan (Borneo). But I believe I could get the better future there.
Yesterday, I was thinking to get some schoolarship.I guess it gives me bigger possibility to get schoolarship knowing that if I apply from East Indonesia (they give some priority for east Indonesia people), I will get it easier and other requirement is I'm PNS (civil servant), I'm  woman, work at least 2 years (it fits me well my boss will allow me to apply.. i wish), and English by IELTS at least 5,5 and TOEFL at least 550 to get to New Zealand. This is one of my destination, New Zealand, Australia, and other countries in Europe ( UK, Netherland, France, or Germany).
I will get it on 2017 :D so between that year I have to improve my knowledge and English conversation. I'm sure I will get it within 2 years...I'm sure... XD

MY NEXT PLAN FOR 2-3 YEARS LATER

It's been a long time since my last post. This time I'm willing to share about my silly plans. I don't know well about my future wanna be, but I'm sure this time I'm going to be make these ones out come true.

Knowing that I'm not smart enough, I realize that I got no chance to choose placement in the west part of Indonesia. I directly chose center and east part of Indonesia. And finally I got North Maluku as my next destination. I don't know why I feel it's such a spirit for me to go and stay there for my career. I believe in myself that by being there could lead me to the next level of my life. I wanted to apply some schoolarship abroad. For exact destination I'm so eager to go to New Zealand. It seems like there got a best place to live. By doing some QnA with my senior, she said that to apply some schoolarship, I have to start it from earlier time. Because it might have needed some extra preparation. It couldn't been done in an instant. So from her tips I should start to write paper and post it in journal. And for English trainning, I think I don't have to worry much. I have many friends for exercising in speaking English. And beside, I can also doing it by youtube or reading some English article. It shouldn't be my barrier, I wish.

Other more important thing is, I hope in the future I still have that fire for doing it. I'm so sure that if I want, I must be able to do it. I wish...I wish....

My JUNE Plan

The worst feeling... when the things that you've had been planning on, turned out to go not like the way you planned. It happens to me T.T.... I've been planning to keep on my daily work out everyday but since March-May, it just stucked and stopped. What's the results of being indicipline? Of course, get my weight back into some parts of my body. But the good thing is just I still could maintain my waist size, on late February it was around 31 inches and now it decreased into 28-29 inches. Thanx God... at least I don't have big tummy, but still I could use some work out for throwing some garbage from my down part of my body. So this June plan is just simple, WORK OUT and EXERCISING every night and whenever I have the spare time. For dieting I don't think I'm able to be consistent about it. Because I do like eating alooooooooot. Maybe I could try not to eat for dinner or maybe getting accustomed to eat some wheat breads for "pretending" to my tummy. I guess tummy just not being too choosey. But my mouth is. So ignore the mouth and just eat another healthy food and do serve some good food for tummy. 

In the end of this month there will be Ramadan. It means that I have to do fasting. It is good news actually, because it might help my plan. But since when I get slimmer after Ramadan??? There was never been a story for that. So I really need to control my eating, do not eat a lot for breaking fast time. Maybe should start with hot sweet tea and another light snack ( I hope it's not "gorengan" please). And then give it a break for praying. And then start eat again maybe it's better to eat something with less carbohydrate (but still eat this). Just get less rice and eat veggies and fruits much. For "sahur" this is the time to get more carbohydrate and still need more veggies and fruits but eat less sugary foods. And must drink water much!!!!!! Just try to control it and I will get what I want. Yes, I think I'm ready to do it. Just eat normally for now. Not much but not too less. The most important thing is to keep working out and sweating out. 

I guess it's my plan for June I hope I can get what I've been planned for the beginning of this year. Get rid of my 10kgs weight off from my body. I don't know about my old weight before I do any of this plan. I guess it's more than 65 maybe 67 or something. Damn it! And now still stuck around 62 kgs. Well there is no useless plans if it's positive and we have the urge to do the best to make the plans happened.

I should've been thanking for Everything, but......

Long time I don't do any posts in this silly blog. The thing is, I'm just keeping busy with things that I've been working in office and outside office too. Looking so busy, eh? Not really. But lately, I was thinking, that I don't have really quality time with my ownself for just enjoying my young life like everyone else does. I keep my self busy with things that I shouldn't be worried about like looking for money for supporting my life, since I haven't got paid for about 3 months already. Quite sad isn't it? I think so, that's why I looked for other side job as a surveyor for one of the biggest research institution in Indonesia. I bet everyone of you would have noticed it. Its office is in South Jakarta, gatot Subroto street. Well I don't wanna tell. This survey thing is really wear me off. I feel many things which are irrational for me, from the way they asked us (here I'm not working alone) to look for respondent until the way they are going to check the validity of our works. Well for 1 questionaire we are going to get around 2 dollars. OMG. Sounds good, but imagine it. To get 1 questionairre filled by a 'gorgeous' respondent, it would take me like my whole feet walking around 1-2 blocks. Remembering I do it in Jakarta. Damn! It doesn't fit myself at all. I'm totally fucked up with this job, if there is other job including this survey things, I'm not gonna in, period!
Things that I'm sad about is I feel totally depressed with the way I live my life. It's purely my own mistakes, I know. I work in really bad place which I studied  in a really difficult major with full of genius people and finished with really bad grade. I think I deserved it. I worked 3 months without any payment and without any clearness while other friends already received their money.
Well things are getting worse and worse day by day. But I realized there is no reason that I should be unthankful for everything now. At least I don't have to go office very early in the morning. But... still I wish something more. In the office, I feel that I couldnt take anything anymore fun like before. Things are getting crueler and crueler for me. I feel I'm worthless and useless. No power to do anythng nomore. Just boring life in office with very boring people now. Well 1 more time I shouldn't think like that. Don't let simple money destroy happiness. Anyway I can still eat good food without that money. I still can buy any soap or any other snacks without that money. Though it comes from my parents. I'm working yet pathetic like this. This one I'm feeling really useless about.
Any other thing is, why am I still stuck with this single status, with nobody really catching in the eyes and heart at all? Well here I got no single people to be flirted to. Lolx.I'm still holding on to a heart which I know have nothing to be relied on to. How sad and pathetic I am. He doesn't even sure, he doesn't even care. I should have just let it go. But it is really hard. Almost 3 years I spend my time for nothing with him.With everyday interaction and contact. Now I should learn to talk my problem off out from him.Don't talk at all dont say anything at all. It does take everything in me not to talk to him.But I know it's worth to try not to start that activity again.I've gotta be strong, I gotta move on, I gotta be a better person. Because with him surely I'm not gonna be a good person that I wanted to be. Knowing that he always takes and puts the worst in me all the time. Really destructive relation, isn;t it? Yes it is, you might say that. It does.
I tried to reduce my intensity to talk to him or see him on cam. Just try it. Hard I know. But it's okay, I'm going to be accustomed to this case. He won't be here, he won't even try anyway. How sad!
I really want to stop looking, want to stop hoping. Pretending that I'm okay with it. I feel already wrecked down, I'm tired to try for this moment. I want to try once I feel I'm getting over it. Maybe next year I will start to think it again. For now I don't . Just give me time to figure out what to do. I do really tired. Let me think about some other thing, maybe just maybe I will find out something more and worth to be proud about to my parents beside this thing which is I feel that I screwed up.