Solitary Moment

I'm going to tell you this writting now is about me spilling my guts. So, before you start to read then think about it. It's not important post for any of you. But it's my blog so whatever.

This year I will be 23 years old. Then it got me thinking about something which is 5 years ago, I really don't wanna think about it. For this whole time, I'm keeping myself as a totally single. Never had a real relationship to any guys in this whole wild world. Kind of pathetic right. Sometimes I feel so. It doesn't matter actually for people who has straight principe of being muslimah and want to go straight forward to marriage without having such a relationship with any guy. But actually, I'm not holding that principe so much. Considering my parents I think are open about this thing. But, I feel like I'm losing interest for this department of loving falling in love kind of stuffs. I just don't wanna do it. I'm feeling tired of it. Just imagine it, could make me really not in the mood to go on this life. Too much? Maybe.

I think it's just because I haven't found the right person in my life yet. Maybe I did find him. But looks like it's not going to work out well. So skip it a little bit.

Tell you the truth deary, I'm not an easy going kind of person, I'm boring, and don't have really good and angelic attitude. I'm well aware of it. Everytime I feel I'm good, something in my brain keep telling me that noone is going to put some interests on me. Since I'm no good looking girl, not really good muslimah (just half yes half no), don't have good personality, don't like to put myself in good conversation, and many more. I'm very sure that nobody ever really like me for who I am and what I am. Maybe it's tend to look like depressed or something, isn't it?

Well for that kind of thing I give it on My Glorious God. He will give me what's best for me.But it doesn't mean that now I feel chill about it. I'm totally feeling so sad.

Couldn't pretend that I'm not envy for some of my friends who are having nice guy beside them. Someone who could take care of them and want them for the further and bigger step in their life. I think I do less praying for this thing. Because I don't really care. But somtimes it feels so lonely deep inside. I know I shouldn't think about this thing because I have Allah beside me. But I think it's not wrong if a girl like me in this age is feeling this loneliness and emptiness inside.

Someone said that he is having some intentions for the next step. But, I couldn't really believe of it, unless I see him making some real moves to my parents. I will not believe it. I take it as a craps.Everybody could say this so easily without taking action nd it doesn't make me he is so different. But it's not that I'm being such an impatient person. I would like to wait, but I need to see that I'm waiting for the right thing, waiting for the sure thing, and my waiting will not be meaningless someday. I need that thought in my head. I wish I can.

For next year, I don't think I don't think I will meet the 'Mr.Right' or the 'It Guy' yet. Noticing how much I'm not moving on from the person I was before, even I'm worse than before. What the hell is it????

I'm getting about what they say "Good girl for good guy and bad girl for bad guy'. I can't expect more to myself. Since look at me, what's the thing that I could be proud of. I'm not trying to put some negative thinking about what my God will give me. I just realizing this thing. I believe my future someone is a nice person like me. But he couldn't be everything that is nearly perfect for me. But I'm wishing he is going to be the best one I've ever known this whole years of my life. Being lonely isn't good at all. I'm trying to fix myself. I know it's hard, especially when there's always person who wants me to be bad and ugly in personality. This thing is going anywhere now. I'm just feeling sad, why can't I have that happiness like other girls are having? Maybe I'm just really not the good person. I accept it, it's my destiny to be like this. I just need to enjoy my life with myself and friends, still. 

Tips and Trick

Well I don't really have intention to write here. But suddenly, I feel I need to take some notes formyself here. I do some belly dancing maybe for 5 days now. I really do think that this dance is really working out for removing some fats in my belly. You know I did some hard exercise for tummy and tighs. It was not really difficult but it needs consistency and really not fun when I was doing it. Beside it was quite hurt and give stress to my body part. But then since I found this idea of belly dancing, I tried and tried little bit. I think I feel the advantage though it's not big advantage yet.
I feel that this every moves of dance are really detail for every parts of my body. Such as belly shimmy, it's not that easy, I'm still keep on trying that to make it look not too robotic lolx. But I feel, when I'm doing it, the shimming moves reach out every single muscle and fat inside my belly. I don't really know how it's going actually, but compared to the other exercise which are needing a lot of difficult movements, I think this belly shimmy is really fun and worth it if we do it regularly and well.
Beside the belly shimmy, I tried some other moves. Such as tighs -buns shimmy, wow it's real sexy moves. But it's really hard. It needs alot of effort and consistency. Because once I don't do it in a day I would have forgotten how to do it. So, I keep doing it while I'm walking or in the bathroom. Still figuring out how to combined all of those moves that I've been trying to do. But still I really not good at this dance for performance. I'm really rigid kind of person. Not really the dancer type of girl. But for keeping my body balance and good, I think I need to do it all the times when I have chance (or I need to make chances for doing it.). For the video, we can find it anywhere in youtube. So easy and fun.
Beside those tips for me or everyone of you who would like to have slimmer tummy and tighs, I also have some tips from Nabiila-Bee about mixing and matching color for clothes and hijab.
From her video, she said that she doesn't really have to think too much for matching the color. She's just doing it and it just happened. Well sometimes I do so. But the distinction is, sometimes I really bad for mixing and matching hijab and clothes. So sad. Yeah, because I always use uniform for college, so I don't really have to think about that a lot. Beside I saw a lot of girls in my college have bad taste of fashion, that's why it keeps me not to worry about this much.
Well from Nabiila, she gives a little tips here from a little things that I remember and caught from her video :
1. When she matches her blazer, first she gets her blazer, for example she has purple blazer, and all of her primar tops are mathc for that purple blazer. So for the blazer, she could use every color of top she feels like wearing.
2.Never have same color for top and hijab. For example she has purple blazer, she never wanted to use purple hijab/scarf. But it doesn't mean we couldn't do that. We could. But she would rather to choose other color. Because she doesn't want to wear 2 same colors in one outfit. Example is she wear purple blazer + mustard top. She would like to have red hijab/scarf. She thinks that red would go for purple and mustard. Nice idea.
3.She would never go to black hijab/scarf. The only reason she wears black is when she couldn't find any match hijab for her top. Such a good go.
4.She usually choose the outfit/clothes first, then choose the scarf later. Then she put the some scarfs aside with the outfit to see which color is match for the clothes. That's the tips. We have to do this before we put our outfit together so is for the shoes. But I don't really into with many shoes. I have not much shoes that's why.
I think those are the tips I could write from her. I would like to attach the video, but I'm kind of lazy to look for it. Well that's just it. Bye.............

"Shake Your Body Like A Belly Dancer"

Long time since my latest post.....I was kind of busy because in my place having some terrible impact cause of volcano explosion from Mt.Kelud in East Java. The dust or ashes came along to some parts of Central Java, evenmore bit places in West Java. I hope things will get better, in my home and around still looks so gruesome. No green leaves, just grey view surronding my sight. I can't leave home either. My parents also didn't attend some wedding party of a friend, looking at the situation, it has no possibility to risk ourself in the middle of dusty wind. So I totally just spend my whole life inside room (I think it's nothing special, I do it for 5 months already). I meant, no going out in weekend like usual because have to clean up my house. Besides that, lately I need to study for the next test before I start my job. I don't think this test is necessary for us, because we already had some agreement in previous time that we can be some official servant without taking another test for entering, after we have done our study. But it seems like didn't go that way, starting from last year. I feel so disappointed about it. I hope even if someone don't pass the test, it will have no side effect for us, so we still can have our right that had been promising from beginning. But still I need to study.
Lately, I don't really concern about my exercise anymore. I just do when I want. But mostly I don't do it for some days. But then I stumbled into some silly idea. That was about belly dancing. Wow, I was seeing Dewi Gita on OVJ some times ago, she doesn't have very slim body like other 'sinden' have on OVJ, but I don't know why, I always like her whenever she wear 'kebaya'. It just looks good on her better than other 'sinden' who wears it. Her body not that skinny slim like Gisel has. But she has curvier figure, I thought maybe because she is older than the other's. And I think she has good figure, look bit different then the beginning when she was a newbie on that program. She doesn't look so fit for the dresses.
But then I saw her do some belly dancing. She covered her face in the first time, but I already knew it was her. And kind of surprising, she looks so slim and good. Still looks like younger girl. And she danced that perfectly. From that it got me thinking. I want to do that dance.
It is difficult I know, but I think it worths to try. So today I started to do that. It was really really hard. My body part which felt so painful when I did that were my arms, my back, and my chest. For my arms I think it's cause of the snake moves. My back is when I shake my tummy and my chest is when I played the moves on my shoulders. Really hard but fun though. I enjoyed it. For legs, don't worry. This dance also provides the legs moves. Especially when we shake our ass and tighs. I don't feel pain for that, but it's quiet heavy for my bottom. But I like how it moves, it feels so sexy.
No wonder it becomes such an erotic dance. It's really expose the beauty of women's body. But I think it's safer for me to do it alone in my room. This could be an alternative from me better than my old aerobic exercise. Because doing this dance, it doesn't need big place to jump, run, or step. It's kind of static for movement. All I need to move is just my body parts and my position is steady still in the same position. It doesn't make some noice to, except if I use some cute accessories that they wear around their hips. But  would like to have it.
So, maybe this is one of my other alternative if I get bored and couldn't do my aerobic exercise because of the limitation of room. It's not that bad also, if I think it's less burn some calories, I would like to do it 2 times in a day. So, I'm gonna need an hour for this. Or I should just do other exercise, like do some squatting for my down part of body. Yeah, everyday at least 30 minutes (non-stop) do some exercise. Doesn't need the hard one, but this simple dance also good for burning some calories. Besides, I still have to control my food. Kind of being greedy since yesterday because I ate alot of durian, my favorite fruits.
For the video , you can find a lot on youtube, but choose the longest video about more than 30 minutes. Because the short time means nothing but to train yu how to do 1 part of movement.
Well, I kind of  feeling sad actually, I feel so unsure and doubt about someone. Maybe I should drop it and move on. It's useless to think about someone who doesn't take you seriously. I deserve better and I don't think I should spend anymore time with that person. I don't really care about it now.

New Vocab Part 4

It's been long time I didn't make important post. Today I would like to share about some new vocabs and idioms from the tv show which I watched yesterday. It was Supernatural Episode 13 on Season 9. Actually somedays ago, I also found out other cool idioms from other tv shows, but because  I wasn't in the mood to file them, I just blow it off away. Well then, just jump on it.

"I hate to break it to you, pal" : " I don't like to convey it to you, friend"

cushion : pillow

"tie the knot in Orlando" : "married in Orlando"

digress : out from the topic

"I'll catch up" : "I'm going soon", "I'll catch up with you soon" : " I'll go to see you soon"

deprive : making someone starving

"she ratted you out" : "she betrayed you"

Wow, I found not much of cool words there, so I'm going to add from PLL last episode...here we go

"don't haggle" : "don't bargain"

disapprove : moking

discreet : wise, careful

Little Tips to Treat Your Eyebrows and Eyelashes

Long time not to write here...since my net speed is kind of wreckage so I just couldn't open and write this blog. I just went out somewhere today. Little shopping, I was dying to buy that green pashmina which before I have seen it and sadly I didn't buy it. And it's been haunting me for so long. Well finally my curiosity is paid today, I found out the price of my gorgeous pashmina. It's only Rp 20.000,- I thought it's kidding. I bought 2 pashmina and 1 comb. I thought it would be Rp85.000,- because I thought each of pashmina is Rp40.000,-. But well it turned out I was overestimating it. But I thought they are losing count, since there is no  price tag in that type of pashmina.  I do have the thicker pashmina it cost 2 times of my lovely pashmina. I felt so regret why didn't I buy more that time. Now I don't find another pashmina like this anywhere in this city. I just bought 2 color. Dark Green and Blue (like ordinary blue not ocean blue, not sky blue, just blue). There I had not much of choice (again). Just green, some gradation of blue, baby pink, and purple. But I was glad the green one is still hanging there nicely, wanting me to grab it. Without too much consideration, I just take it, but I was wondering if they still keep other green color which hasn't been touched by anyone there. But nothing. It's last stock. Well it's fine. I'm not really into the blue one. But I never had blue color of anything so why don't I give it a shot for it?
Enough talking about nice pashmina with very unexpectedly cheap price (damn! that gorgeous and cheap, I will come back there again who knows if I buy somewhere else I will found the same stuff in expensive price). Well shopping in a place like this sometimes is a miracle if we found a good stuff in cheap price.
I want to share little tips to give some treat for eyebrows and eyelashes. I use olive oil (again). It's one for all kind of oil, so it's worth it for girls to have it in their room. I like the natural, easy, cheap, and lot of advantage kind of things. So I don't want to spend hundred thousand rupiahs for buying some cream or serum for treating that little place. If I can afford it I would, but because of the low budget, why I have to waste it all away. Because treating this eyes spot need long time, and doesn't come in an instant. We treat this now, will appear the result maybe after 10 years. So, before it's too late, before I'm in 30 and treat it which some wrinkles already been there, it would be much difficult. This, mom taught me. Like having some Vit. E (She uses Natur E) since early age, so we can 'cheat' the aging, my mom taught me, she have used that since she was in 20. And the result, my mom still looks damn young like in the late 30 age. Ufff.....Maybe need alot more effort for me to be like that.
Ok straight forward to the tips, here we go :
1. Put the olive oil into the cotton, or you may want it directly on your fingers, but it would be anywhere and messier, so cotton it is.
2. Tap it on your brows, and drag it to wherever direction of your brows heading to,but start from the inside point to the outside (end of the eye), brows will be shinny after it
3. Tap and smudge the circle of the eye with the cotton (add some olive oil more), you will find out how dirty it is. And you will never realize that part is missing from your cleanser stuffs.Do the smudge to the above. This part is full with dead cells.
4. For the lashes, just give a little oil, and make the lashes raise up, and see how shinny the lashes will be.
5.Do it everytime you have a chance, and do not use outside home, because it would be oily, and sometimes blurring our vision.
Well, that maybe a little tips for me. Here is the picture of mine. Scary, huh?

Here, I don't wear anything for my eyes, and my face either (looks so oily). Got it why people think about fake stuffs? I fancy the lashes so much, long and curled, even though not so thick and quite spaced between each other, it's not that bad at least it's fine without mascara. About the brows, it's messy not looking so good. My brother has it better than mine, very bold, and not going anywhere like mine. But I'm happy to have those. Just try to maintain everything God gave to you, deary. What's in you is what's best for you and makes you who you are. I hope I can be consistent with everything that I said lolx. Noticing that I have too many part of my body that I'm not fond of them. Got somethings to make them disappear but what can I do, it what makes me feel special, not other people have what I have. Maybe in the making, I got too much ingredients such as hair all over my body, trying to wax it but useless, still growing heavily and luxuriantly. Well enjoy what you have in yourself, you are special for who you really are, not about how you want to copy somebody else.

I Hate...I Hate......

Today was supposed to be a good day. I've been waiting my clothes which are said going to be done today. So I went to the tailor and those haven't finished. Then I tried them all. They already in shape but no buttons. First I tried the orange one. I didn't know why when I saw it, it looked so small. And yes, I tried it and it's really small on me. Usually clothes which is made from tailor is look big in the beginning, but this is very small. I can't put together the part where buttons are set on. Like I have to pull it then they can meet each other. Huh. Am I getting any fatter? I don't think so, it was just 2 weeks, and I did have normal eating, maybe less exercise, and plus I was sick and didn't eat much for days. It's so desperating. Beside that, the orange shirt looked so ugly. It has old vintage style, like really ordinary style, and the orange color looked like a grandma's. But I could trick it if it was just the matter or old style, vintage is not that bad. But it is small. And the second clothes. It looked amazing with purple color and has some golden emboss. I put some dummy for making that design. It has peplum design, not really obviously peplum-ish but I can call it peplum top. But again it was so small. I found it hard to put together the buttons part. I mean even if the I get any fatter, at least the clothes could still fit on me because before they already added some inches for making my clothes. But why they aren't fit on me???

Ok then, i felt totally disappointed. Then mom asked the tailor to fix it. The tailor asked me to bring those clothes just in case those are fit on me when I got home. He thought it was because I use other clothes when I tried them on. But I didn't want it. I just said to him to fix the body part so it doesn't feel that tight anymore. Because it is really tight. If I gain only 1 inches for my top body, maybe I couldn't use those again ever. It was really depressingly just wrapped my body, not covering it. Huh. I wanna explode now. When I was there I just feel normal. But now I don't.

Mom then asked me to look for new fabric. We chose very nice fabric. It was "songket", with pink color and have some flower there. So gorgeous. Well this time I want it to be perfect. It has price Rp35.000,- for a meter. I want the same pattern as the purple clothes with peplum design also. It doesn't matter. I imagine it would look great that way.

Well I have to wait a longer day for it till next week. Damn! I want them all to be fit on me. I've spent  the rest of my saving for it. I didn't use it to buy anything or going anywhere. Most of my saving I spent for paying my rent in Jakarta. Kinda of sad because I don't live there for months and yet still have to pay for it in full amount of money. Almost 3 months let's say I paid for Rp 1.200.000,- for it. When I saw my bank transaction, I just watched how much money I owned that time. Maybe more than Rp 3.000.000,-. I don't know where it's gone. Well leave it. I just gave some of it to people who needs it. 

Can't wait to get my clothes done. Really looking forward into it. I hope my apprenticeship also could get come faster. Because I need to pay my bill. Actually I wait for some of my fairy tales story to be published by some of kids magazine. I hope it will, I really want it since I was a little. Maybe from now I should try to write again. I just write in a day but got so many to write, then the day after that spirit was gone away. And maybe that could add my saving, if the story is published then they gonna send me about Rp 300.000,-. Not bad, huh! But that is out of certainty. Just if. Want some certainty then work your ass off, Duh!!
I may add something I feel hate today. Maybe getting those clothes in small shape could have mean something. At least for 2 weeks, I don't do exercise a lot. I'm getting indicipline about that. I'm getting lazier for doing those activities. I don't know why. Bored maybe. I just do some abs workout routine, and that isn't complete one.Someday I didn't do anything at all. Well that's a thing. Tonight, accidentally while I'm sitting like this now. I touch tummy.Hmm...fat...fat...faaaaaaaaaaaaaaat........ I can feel it...Even I can pull the fat out in my hand from tummy. I feel it, like big bread.....OMG..wanna cryyyyy. Is this it? For a month I did this and in maybe for few days those fat coming back again? I don't know what I have to do.. I should do exercise again or just do some light work out. Thing is if I go back to Jakarta I will be fat again because no chance to work out. Damn it!!! What's happening? I eat rice very little. And appetite just normal not really much. HUh...desperado!!!!!!
 The other annoying thing is my modem. I use neo regular for this month. This month??? Less than a week and all those package has gone by the wind. Maybe just from Wednesday till last night, Saturday. Only three days I spent 2 GB. What a mess!!! Should I buy again. Don't think so. Well, today feel so ufffffffffff,,,but can't forget to be grateful for all the things I get in life for today at least. Alhamdulillah......