I Hate...I Hate......

Today was supposed to be a good day. I've been waiting my clothes which are said going to be done today. So I went to the tailor and those haven't finished. Then I tried them all. They already in shape but no buttons. First I tried the orange one. I didn't know why when I saw it, it looked so small. And yes, I tried it and it's really small on me. Usually clothes which is made from tailor is look big in the beginning, but this is very small. I can't put together the part where buttons are set on. Like I have to pull it then they can meet each other. Huh. Am I getting any fatter? I don't think so, it was just 2 weeks, and I did have normal eating, maybe less exercise, and plus I was sick and didn't eat much for days. It's so desperating. Beside that, the orange shirt looked so ugly. It has old vintage style, like really ordinary style, and the orange color looked like a grandma's. But I could trick it if it was just the matter or old style, vintage is not that bad. But it is small. And the second clothes. It looked amazing with purple color and has some golden emboss. I put some dummy for making that design. It has peplum design, not really obviously peplum-ish but I can call it peplum top. But again it was so small. I found it hard to put together the buttons part. I mean even if the I get any fatter, at least the clothes could still fit on me because before they already added some inches for making my clothes. But why they aren't fit on me???

Ok then, i felt totally disappointed. Then mom asked the tailor to fix it. The tailor asked me to bring those clothes just in case those are fit on me when I got home. He thought it was because I use other clothes when I tried them on. But I didn't want it. I just said to him to fix the body part so it doesn't feel that tight anymore. Because it is really tight. If I gain only 1 inches for my top body, maybe I couldn't use those again ever. It was really depressingly just wrapped my body, not covering it. Huh. I wanna explode now. When I was there I just feel normal. But now I don't.

Mom then asked me to look for new fabric. We chose very nice fabric. It was "songket", with pink color and have some flower there. So gorgeous. Well this time I want it to be perfect. It has price Rp35.000,- for a meter. I want the same pattern as the purple clothes with peplum design also. It doesn't matter. I imagine it would look great that way.

Well I have to wait a longer day for it till next week. Damn! I want them all to be fit on me. I've spent  the rest of my saving for it. I didn't use it to buy anything or going anywhere. Most of my saving I spent for paying my rent in Jakarta. Kinda of sad because I don't live there for months and yet still have to pay for it in full amount of money. Almost 3 months let's say I paid for Rp 1.200.000,- for it. When I saw my bank transaction, I just watched how much money I owned that time. Maybe more than Rp 3.000.000,-. I don't know where it's gone. Well leave it. I just gave some of it to people who needs it. 

Can't wait to get my clothes done. Really looking forward into it. I hope my apprenticeship also could get come faster. Because I need to pay my bill. Actually I wait for some of my fairy tales story to be published by some of kids magazine. I hope it will, I really want it since I was a little. Maybe from now I should try to write again. I just write in a day but got so many to write, then the day after that spirit was gone away. And maybe that could add my saving, if the story is published then they gonna send me about Rp 300.000,-. Not bad, huh! But that is out of certainty. Just if. Want some certainty then work your ass off, Duh!!
I may add something I feel hate today. Maybe getting those clothes in small shape could have mean something. At least for 2 weeks, I don't do exercise a lot. I'm getting indicipline about that. I'm getting lazier for doing those activities. I don't know why. Bored maybe. I just do some abs workout routine, and that isn't complete one.Someday I didn't do anything at all. Well that's a thing. Tonight, accidentally while I'm sitting like this now. I touch tummy.Hmm...fat...fat...faaaaaaaaaaaaaaat........ I can feel it...Even I can pull the fat out in my hand from tummy. I feel it, like big bread.....OMG..wanna cryyyyy. Is this it? For a month I did this and in maybe for few days those fat coming back again? I don't know what I have to do.. I should do exercise again or just do some light work out. Thing is if I go back to Jakarta I will be fat again because no chance to work out. Damn it!!! What's happening? I eat rice very little. And appetite just normal not really much. HUh...desperado!!!!!!
 The other annoying thing is my modem. I use neo regular for this month. This month??? Less than a week and all those package has gone by the wind. Maybe just from Wednesday till last night, Saturday. Only three days I spent 2 GB. What a mess!!! Should I buy again. Don't think so. Well, today feel so ufffffffffff,,,but can't forget to be grateful for all the things I get in life for today at least. Alhamdulillah......