Just a Touch of Broken Soul

Today, I'm feeling really messed up. All I want is just get mad, angry, and being crazy. I know there is no point of being sad like that. I'm well aware to keep myself be thankful of everything. But it seems like not that easy in practically. Sometimes, if we look up and see somebody's life, we are going to feel envy and jealous of them. Sometimes I did that also. I don't know what's the story behind them. Who knows that I am luckier than them all. But they are able to show their happiness and hide their holes in their life better than I do. Who knows that somebody out there having some jealousy at me, at my life that I'm having , at everything that I earn now. I never see it that way. I always see flaws that I have. Being angry about something that I'm not even trying to get it. I realize it. I'm well aware of it. God forgive me!
Dealing with myself is the hardest thing to do than making my last paper last year. I could deal with that easily, happily, even if it was hard, I could make myself sure that I would have it done. And yes it was done well. But for dealing with myself even just try to talk to myself out, it's kind of messed up. It has made my head spinning around. I feel really tired of it and end up no exercise, no breakfast and having some junkfood come into my stomach.
What's triggering this? What's the obvious symptom?
I finally find out after I try to look inside myself. I asked to myself when I'm praying and read Holy Quran. Sounds so religious,huh? But it isn't. I'm not that religious girl with long hijab and big size clothes to wear. Not yet. I feel that everytime I see facebook homepage, after that I always feel madly folded my face. It supposed to be fun to see my facebook page. Sometimes I get funny stuff, inspiring posts, information, and new knowledge. But not this now. Everytime I open my facebook page, I directly become terribly concerned about everybody's life. It's because I have too many spare times and I don't use it well, I think. I feel like facebook page doesn't healthy anymore. I mean, too many junk inside there. Too many unimportant stuffs that people posted. Then I remember one of my friend in college. Long time I haven't seen her on facebook since graduation. I search here and there didn't find it. Then by google, found some of hers. I chose facebook, so surprised. She didn't use it anymore. She closed it already. I couldn't find her page anywhere. Even if I found some pictures of her, there's no tag for her. What's happening? I haven't tried to ask her yet. But I bet she got good reason for this. And why didn't I do the same thing? Facebooking sometimes just make people in your life concern about your stupid life, even they concern it to see you fall sometimes. None of them want to see how success you are and waiting your next achievement, I don't think they would. But it depends on how we see it. It could be motivator for people who sees that as motivation to obtain some achievement in their life. But in the other side, it's not more than growing some social-jealousy to anyone who sees their rival as a threat. I'm not really on those both sides, but I know sometimes seeing something on Facebook only able to make you anxious over unimportant things.
I do really want to leave it. But I still need a lot of information from there. But here's the thing. If I just need some informations from there, I shouldn't see something that has no relation to the thing I wanna get information from. Just ignore evrything, good or bad things happend there. It's none of my concern anyway. Find it quite hard I bet. But it's worth a shot. Just keep myself busy and do something that I like. I did fail making video or voice recording. Because the result is weird and didn't go as I thought it would. But I won't stop. I will keep trying maybe for now just voice record only. I did delete my first video because I was so ridicolous there. How about trying to make some articles to send it to some sites who needs article. Well I will try it. Sooner better, I' ve been waiting for their respond. Even if it's kind of desperating.
Afterall I should have just enjoy my own life and keep myself in positive thought. I don't wanna spend my old life in long misery because the bad things that I did in young age.