Brace yourself 2015 is coming

well, hello...such a long long time i never been here to post any rubbish...
By the way here i am already be in a place called North Maluku. It's been relaxing knowing that the place isn't much trouble as i thought before coming here..or not yet?? Hope everything will be as I want it to be.
First of all, i want to write the things i wanna do for next year, eh, but why do i write it here? because I always keep things to do in my own journal, afraid that I might be losing it so I put it here...i guess you should just read it otherwise you could leave it (quite rude, huh?).
Next year, i will

• Open saving for going Hajj....at least each month give it Rp 300.000,- (minimum) so each year I'm going to have Rp.3.600.000,- (minimum) and of course the minimum saving per month will be keep adding each year, so after 10 years just count it...to much zeroes...lolx...so I will be doing it before I reach age 40 years old..aamiin..
• Invest some of my money to any stuffs here..like farms,cattles (livestocks), fishery, etc,,,,For the first step, I will try to invest on goats because the price is quite affordable for me as a newbie. Maybe for starting I will have 3 goats and keep it to the person whom I trust to take care of them. Probably I won't do it here but send money to my parents and let them do the things, the royalty just easily divide between me, them, and person who take care of it. It should been done before Idul Adha, like 5 months before it. Just give it Rp 8.000.000,- for starter. Actually i wanna do it after I graduate from college, but parents change their minds so they ask me to keep the money. I wanna have also a speedboat for going jailolo-ternate freely lolx....
• Enjoying life by travelling, learning how to swim so i could do diving or just snorkling, fooling around these beautiful places...Just wanna enjoy my young life this year because I have my own earning. Save the money for travelling of course. Going to each of places of my friends in North Maluku, it's going to be fun.

So the theme for 2015 is "The Saving Year". Saving for the better future....

North Maluku-West Halmahera-Jailolo for 2015

It's been a long time since last time i shared the post here on my blog. Noticing that the last time was on June. There I saw that my weight was 62kgs and now it was 60kgs wow...couldn't believe it. Because since I moved work from STIS to BPS i got a lot of food to eat there (got extra job with extra food..so happy). I think it was because of too much activity and go home late in the night. But I didn't get a chance to do some work out again so I was thinking that I'm gaining much weight now. But I have to maintain this thing well enough. Well forget about weight thing, if i want to eat much just go directly to the veggies or fruits for better solution. My digestion system also still good, I do that at least 1-2 times in a day. Great!
For the hottest topic I'm going to write something here. That soon enough I will leave Jakarta...and Java island for maybe more than 2 years. I have never left this island for whole of my life. Never used air transportation and water transportation either. So poor of me... :D
But soon, for working and the next career I'm going to leave this place to the farther east part of Indonesia. It is in North Maluku province for more detail is West Halmahera region, which I already have searched and browsed it lies on Jailolo town (small town i guess).
I have read and paid attention about access to go there from Jakarta. Airplane ticket is around 2million rupiahs (OMG T.T) from Jakarta-Ternate. And how to reach Jailolo? I read that it could be possible by speedboat from Ternate harbor (i forgot the name) to Jailolo harbor. It only take 50.000 rupiah. I guess i can deal with it. Hope so! Yes It quite expensive than the other place especialy from Sumatra or Kalimantan (Borneo). But I believe I could get the better future there.
Yesterday, I was thinking to get some schoolarship.I guess it gives me bigger possibility to get schoolarship knowing that if I apply from East Indonesia (they give some priority for east Indonesia people), I will get it easier and other requirement is I'm PNS (civil servant), I'm  woman, work at least 2 years (it fits me well my boss will allow me to apply.. i wish), and English by IELTS at least 5,5 and TOEFL at least 550 to get to New Zealand. This is one of my destination, New Zealand, Australia, and other countries in Europe ( UK, Netherland, France, or Germany).
I will get it on 2017 :D so between that year I have to improve my knowledge and English conversation. I'm sure I will get it within 2 years...I'm sure... XD

MY NEXT PLAN FOR 2-3 YEARS LATER

It's been a long time since my last post. This time I'm willing to share about my silly plans. I don't know well about my future wanna be, but I'm sure this time I'm going to be make these ones out come true.

Knowing that I'm not smart enough, I realize that I got no chance to choose placement in the west part of Indonesia. I directly chose center and east part of Indonesia. And finally I got North Maluku as my next destination. I don't know why I feel it's such a spirit for me to go and stay there for my career. I believe in myself that by being there could lead me to the next level of my life. I wanted to apply some schoolarship abroad. For exact destination I'm so eager to go to New Zealand. It seems like there got a best place to live. By doing some QnA with my senior, she said that to apply some schoolarship, I have to start it from earlier time. Because it might have needed some extra preparation. It couldn't been done in an instant. So from her tips I should start to write paper and post it in journal. And for English trainning, I think I don't have to worry much. I have many friends for exercising in speaking English. And beside, I can also doing it by youtube or reading some English article. It shouldn't be my barrier, I wish.

Other more important thing is, I hope in the future I still have that fire for doing it. I'm so sure that if I want, I must be able to do it. I wish...I wish....

My JUNE Plan

The worst feeling... when the things that you've had been planning on, turned out to go not like the way you planned. It happens to me T.T.... I've been planning to keep on my daily work out everyday but since March-May, it just stucked and stopped. What's the results of being indicipline? Of course, get my weight back into some parts of my body. But the good thing is just I still could maintain my waist size, on late February it was around 31 inches and now it decreased into 28-29 inches. Thanx God... at least I don't have big tummy, but still I could use some work out for throwing some garbage from my down part of my body. So this June plan is just simple, WORK OUT and EXERCISING every night and whenever I have the spare time. For dieting I don't think I'm able to be consistent about it. Because I do like eating alooooooooot. Maybe I could try not to eat for dinner or maybe getting accustomed to eat some wheat breads for "pretending" to my tummy. I guess tummy just not being too choosey. But my mouth is. So ignore the mouth and just eat another healthy food and do serve some good food for tummy. 

In the end of this month there will be Ramadan. It means that I have to do fasting. It is good news actually, because it might help my plan. But since when I get slimmer after Ramadan??? There was never been a story for that. So I really need to control my eating, do not eat a lot for breaking fast time. Maybe should start with hot sweet tea and another light snack ( I hope it's not "gorengan" please). And then give it a break for praying. And then start eat again maybe it's better to eat something with less carbohydrate (but still eat this). Just get less rice and eat veggies and fruits much. For "sahur" this is the time to get more carbohydrate and still need more veggies and fruits but eat less sugary foods. And must drink water much!!!!!! Just try to control it and I will get what I want. Yes, I think I'm ready to do it. Just eat normally for now. Not much but not too less. The most important thing is to keep working out and sweating out. 

I guess it's my plan for June I hope I can get what I've been planned for the beginning of this year. Get rid of my 10kgs weight off from my body. I don't know about my old weight before I do any of this plan. I guess it's more than 65 maybe 67 or something. Damn it! And now still stuck around 62 kgs. Well there is no useless plans if it's positive and we have the urge to do the best to make the plans happened.

I should've been thanking for Everything, but......

Long time I don't do any posts in this silly blog. The thing is, I'm just keeping busy with things that I've been working in office and outside office too. Looking so busy, eh? Not really. But lately, I was thinking, that I don't have really quality time with my ownself for just enjoying my young life like everyone else does. I keep my self busy with things that I shouldn't be worried about like looking for money for supporting my life, since I haven't got paid for about 3 months already. Quite sad isn't it? I think so, that's why I looked for other side job as a surveyor for one of the biggest research institution in Indonesia. I bet everyone of you would have noticed it. Its office is in South Jakarta, gatot Subroto street. Well I don't wanna tell. This survey thing is really wear me off. I feel many things which are irrational for me, from the way they asked us (here I'm not working alone) to look for respondent until the way they are going to check the validity of our works. Well for 1 questionaire we are going to get around 2 dollars. OMG. Sounds good, but imagine it. To get 1 questionairre filled by a 'gorgeous' respondent, it would take me like my whole feet walking around 1-2 blocks. Remembering I do it in Jakarta. Damn! It doesn't fit myself at all. I'm totally fucked up with this job, if there is other job including this survey things, I'm not gonna in, period!
Things that I'm sad about is I feel totally depressed with the way I live my life. It's purely my own mistakes, I know. I work in really bad place which I studied  in a really difficult major with full of genius people and finished with really bad grade. I think I deserved it. I worked 3 months without any payment and without any clearness while other friends already received their money.
Well things are getting worse and worse day by day. But I realized there is no reason that I should be unthankful for everything now. At least I don't have to go office very early in the morning. But... still I wish something more. In the office, I feel that I couldnt take anything anymore fun like before. Things are getting crueler and crueler for me. I feel I'm worthless and useless. No power to do anythng nomore. Just boring life in office with very boring people now. Well 1 more time I shouldn't think like that. Don't let simple money destroy happiness. Anyway I can still eat good food without that money. I still can buy any soap or any other snacks without that money. Though it comes from my parents. I'm working yet pathetic like this. This one I'm feeling really useless about.
Any other thing is, why am I still stuck with this single status, with nobody really catching in the eyes and heart at all? Well here I got no single people to be flirted to. Lolx.I'm still holding on to a heart which I know have nothing to be relied on to. How sad and pathetic I am. He doesn't even sure, he doesn't even care. I should have just let it go. But it is really hard. Almost 3 years I spend my time for nothing with him.With everyday interaction and contact. Now I should learn to talk my problem off out from him.Don't talk at all dont say anything at all. It does take everything in me not to talk to him.But I know it's worth to try not to start that activity again.I've gotta be strong, I gotta move on, I gotta be a better person. Because with him surely I'm not gonna be a good person that I wanted to be. Knowing that he always takes and puts the worst in me all the time. Really destructive relation, isn;t it? Yes it is, you might say that. It does.
I tried to reduce my intensity to talk to him or see him on cam. Just try it. Hard I know. But it's okay, I'm going to be accustomed to this case. He won't be here, he won't even try anyway. How sad!
I really want to stop looking, want to stop hoping. Pretending that I'm okay with it. I feel already wrecked down, I'm tired to try for this moment. I want to try once I feel I'm getting over it. Maybe next year I will start to think it again. For now I don't . Just give me time to figure out what to do. I do really tired. Let me think about some other thing, maybe just maybe I will find out something more and worth to be proud about to my parents beside this thing which is I feel that I screwed up.

Solitary Moment

I'm going to tell you this writting now is about me spilling my guts. So, before you start to read then think about it. It's not important post for any of you. But it's my blog so whatever.

This year I will be 23 years old. Then it got me thinking about something which is 5 years ago, I really don't wanna think about it. For this whole time, I'm keeping myself as a totally single. Never had a real relationship to any guys in this whole wild world. Kind of pathetic right. Sometimes I feel so. It doesn't matter actually for people who has straight principe of being muslimah and want to go straight forward to marriage without having such a relationship with any guy. But actually, I'm not holding that principe so much. Considering my parents I think are open about this thing. But, I feel like I'm losing interest for this department of loving falling in love kind of stuffs. I just don't wanna do it. I'm feeling tired of it. Just imagine it, could make me really not in the mood to go on this life. Too much? Maybe.

I think it's just because I haven't found the right person in my life yet. Maybe I did find him. But looks like it's not going to work out well. So skip it a little bit.

Tell you the truth deary, I'm not an easy going kind of person, I'm boring, and don't have really good and angelic attitude. I'm well aware of it. Everytime I feel I'm good, something in my brain keep telling me that noone is going to put some interests on me. Since I'm no good looking girl, not really good muslimah (just half yes half no), don't have good personality, don't like to put myself in good conversation, and many more. I'm very sure that nobody ever really like me for who I am and what I am. Maybe it's tend to look like depressed or something, isn't it?

Well for that kind of thing I give it on My Glorious God. He will give me what's best for me.But it doesn't mean that now I feel chill about it. I'm totally feeling so sad.

Couldn't pretend that I'm not envy for some of my friends who are having nice guy beside them. Someone who could take care of them and want them for the further and bigger step in their life. I think I do less praying for this thing. Because I don't really care. But somtimes it feels so lonely deep inside. I know I shouldn't think about this thing because I have Allah beside me. But I think it's not wrong if a girl like me in this age is feeling this loneliness and emptiness inside.

Someone said that he is having some intentions for the next step. But, I couldn't really believe of it, unless I see him making some real moves to my parents. I will not believe it. I take it as a craps.Everybody could say this so easily without taking action nd it doesn't make me he is so different. But it's not that I'm being such an impatient person. I would like to wait, but I need to see that I'm waiting for the right thing, waiting for the sure thing, and my waiting will not be meaningless someday. I need that thought in my head. I wish I can.

For next year, I don't think I don't think I will meet the 'Mr.Right' or the 'It Guy' yet. Noticing how much I'm not moving on from the person I was before, even I'm worse than before. What the hell is it????

I'm getting about what they say "Good girl for good guy and bad girl for bad guy'. I can't expect more to myself. Since look at me, what's the thing that I could be proud of. I'm not trying to put some negative thinking about what my God will give me. I just realizing this thing. I believe my future someone is a nice person like me. But he couldn't be everything that is nearly perfect for me. But I'm wishing he is going to be the best one I've ever known this whole years of my life. Being lonely isn't good at all. I'm trying to fix myself. I know it's hard, especially when there's always person who wants me to be bad and ugly in personality. This thing is going anywhere now. I'm just feeling sad, why can't I have that happiness like other girls are having? Maybe I'm just really not the good person. I accept it, it's my destiny to be like this. I just need to enjoy my life with myself and friends, still. 

Tips and Trick

Well I don't really have intention to write here. But suddenly, I feel I need to take some notes formyself here. I do some belly dancing maybe for 5 days now. I really do think that this dance is really working out for removing some fats in my belly. You know I did some hard exercise for tummy and tighs. It was not really difficult but it needs consistency and really not fun when I was doing it. Beside it was quite hurt and give stress to my body part. But then since I found this idea of belly dancing, I tried and tried little bit. I think I feel the advantage though it's not big advantage yet.
I feel that this every moves of dance are really detail for every parts of my body. Such as belly shimmy, it's not that easy, I'm still keep on trying that to make it look not too robotic lolx. But I feel, when I'm doing it, the shimming moves reach out every single muscle and fat inside my belly. I don't really know how it's going actually, but compared to the other exercise which are needing a lot of difficult movements, I think this belly shimmy is really fun and worth it if we do it regularly and well.
Beside the belly shimmy, I tried some other moves. Such as tighs -buns shimmy, wow it's real sexy moves. But it's really hard. It needs alot of effort and consistency. Because once I don't do it in a day I would have forgotten how to do it. So, I keep doing it while I'm walking or in the bathroom. Still figuring out how to combined all of those moves that I've been trying to do. But still I really not good at this dance for performance. I'm really rigid kind of person. Not really the dancer type of girl. But for keeping my body balance and good, I think I need to do it all the times when I have chance (or I need to make chances for doing it.). For the video, we can find it anywhere in youtube. So easy and fun.
Beside those tips for me or everyone of you who would like to have slimmer tummy and tighs, I also have some tips from Nabiila-Bee about mixing and matching color for clothes and hijab.
From her video, she said that she doesn't really have to think too much for matching the color. She's just doing it and it just happened. Well sometimes I do so. But the distinction is, sometimes I really bad for mixing and matching hijab and clothes. So sad. Yeah, because I always use uniform for college, so I don't really have to think about that a lot. Beside I saw a lot of girls in my college have bad taste of fashion, that's why it keeps me not to worry about this much.
Well from Nabiila, she gives a little tips here from a little things that I remember and caught from her video :
1. When she matches her blazer, first she gets her blazer, for example she has purple blazer, and all of her primar tops are mathc for that purple blazer. So for the blazer, she could use every color of top she feels like wearing.
2.Never have same color for top and hijab. For example she has purple blazer, she never wanted to use purple hijab/scarf. But it doesn't mean we couldn't do that. We could. But she would rather to choose other color. Because she doesn't want to wear 2 same colors in one outfit. Example is she wear purple blazer + mustard top. She would like to have red hijab/scarf. She thinks that red would go for purple and mustard. Nice idea.
3.She would never go to black hijab/scarf. The only reason she wears black is when she couldn't find any match hijab for her top. Such a good go.
4.She usually choose the outfit/clothes first, then choose the scarf later. Then she put the some scarfs aside with the outfit to see which color is match for the clothes. That's the tips. We have to do this before we put our outfit together so is for the shoes. But I don't really into with many shoes. I have not much shoes that's why.
I think those are the tips I could write from her. I would like to attach the video, but I'm kind of lazy to look for it. Well that's just it. Bye.............

"Shake Your Body Like A Belly Dancer"

Long time since my latest post.....I was kind of busy because in my place having some terrible impact cause of volcano explosion from Mt.Kelud in East Java. The dust or ashes came along to some parts of Central Java, evenmore bit places in West Java. I hope things will get better, in my home and around still looks so gruesome. No green leaves, just grey view surronding my sight. I can't leave home either. My parents also didn't attend some wedding party of a friend, looking at the situation, it has no possibility to risk ourself in the middle of dusty wind. So I totally just spend my whole life inside room (I think it's nothing special, I do it for 5 months already). I meant, no going out in weekend like usual because have to clean up my house. Besides that, lately I need to study for the next test before I start my job. I don't think this test is necessary for us, because we already had some agreement in previous time that we can be some official servant without taking another test for entering, after we have done our study. But it seems like didn't go that way, starting from last year. I feel so disappointed about it. I hope even if someone don't pass the test, it will have no side effect for us, so we still can have our right that had been promising from beginning. But still I need to study.
Lately, I don't really concern about my exercise anymore. I just do when I want. But mostly I don't do it for some days. But then I stumbled into some silly idea. That was about belly dancing. Wow, I was seeing Dewi Gita on OVJ some times ago, she doesn't have very slim body like other 'sinden' have on OVJ, but I don't know why, I always like her whenever she wear 'kebaya'. It just looks good on her better than other 'sinden' who wears it. Her body not that skinny slim like Gisel has. But she has curvier figure, I thought maybe because she is older than the other's. And I think she has good figure, look bit different then the beginning when she was a newbie on that program. She doesn't look so fit for the dresses.
But then I saw her do some belly dancing. She covered her face in the first time, but I already knew it was her. And kind of surprising, she looks so slim and good. Still looks like younger girl. And she danced that perfectly. From that it got me thinking. I want to do that dance.
It is difficult I know, but I think it worths to try. So today I started to do that. It was really really hard. My body part which felt so painful when I did that were my arms, my back, and my chest. For my arms I think it's cause of the snake moves. My back is when I shake my tummy and my chest is when I played the moves on my shoulders. Really hard but fun though. I enjoyed it. For legs, don't worry. This dance also provides the legs moves. Especially when we shake our ass and tighs. I don't feel pain for that, but it's quiet heavy for my bottom. But I like how it moves, it feels so sexy.
No wonder it becomes such an erotic dance. It's really expose the beauty of women's body. But I think it's safer for me to do it alone in my room. This could be an alternative from me better than my old aerobic exercise. Because doing this dance, it doesn't need big place to jump, run, or step. It's kind of static for movement. All I need to move is just my body parts and my position is steady still in the same position. It doesn't make some noice to, except if I use some cute accessories that they wear around their hips. But  would like to have it.
So, maybe this is one of my other alternative if I get bored and couldn't do my aerobic exercise because of the limitation of room. It's not that bad also, if I think it's less burn some calories, I would like to do it 2 times in a day. So, I'm gonna need an hour for this. Or I should just do other exercise, like do some squatting for my down part of body. Yeah, everyday at least 30 minutes (non-stop) do some exercise. Doesn't need the hard one, but this simple dance also good for burning some calories. Besides, I still have to control my food. Kind of being greedy since yesterday because I ate alot of durian, my favorite fruits.
For the video , you can find a lot on youtube, but choose the longest video about more than 30 minutes. Because the short time means nothing but to train yu how to do 1 part of movement.
Well, I kind of  feeling sad actually, I feel so unsure and doubt about someone. Maybe I should drop it and move on. It's useless to think about someone who doesn't take you seriously. I deserve better and I don't think I should spend anymore time with that person. I don't really care about it now.

New Vocab Part 4

It's been long time I didn't make important post. Today I would like to share about some new vocabs and idioms from the tv show which I watched yesterday. It was Supernatural Episode 13 on Season 9. Actually somedays ago, I also found out other cool idioms from other tv shows, but because  I wasn't in the mood to file them, I just blow it off away. Well then, just jump on it.

"I hate to break it to you, pal" : " I don't like to convey it to you, friend"

cushion : pillow

"tie the knot in Orlando" : "married in Orlando"

digress : out from the topic

"I'll catch up" : "I'm going soon", "I'll catch up with you soon" : " I'll go to see you soon"

deprive : making someone starving

"she ratted you out" : "she betrayed you"

Wow, I found not much of cool words there, so I'm going to add from PLL last episode...here we go

"don't haggle" : "don't bargain"

disapprove : moking

discreet : wise, careful

Little Tips to Treat Your Eyebrows and Eyelashes

Long time not to write here...since my net speed is kind of wreckage so I just couldn't open and write this blog. I just went out somewhere today. Little shopping, I was dying to buy that green pashmina which before I have seen it and sadly I didn't buy it. And it's been haunting me for so long. Well finally my curiosity is paid today, I found out the price of my gorgeous pashmina. It's only Rp 20.000,- I thought it's kidding. I bought 2 pashmina and 1 comb. I thought it would be Rp85.000,- because I thought each of pashmina is Rp40.000,-. But well it turned out I was overestimating it. But I thought they are losing count, since there is no  price tag in that type of pashmina.  I do have the thicker pashmina it cost 2 times of my lovely pashmina. I felt so regret why didn't I buy more that time. Now I don't find another pashmina like this anywhere in this city. I just bought 2 color. Dark Green and Blue (like ordinary blue not ocean blue, not sky blue, just blue). There I had not much of choice (again). Just green, some gradation of blue, baby pink, and purple. But I was glad the green one is still hanging there nicely, wanting me to grab it. Without too much consideration, I just take it, but I was wondering if they still keep other green color which hasn't been touched by anyone there. But nothing. It's last stock. Well it's fine. I'm not really into the blue one. But I never had blue color of anything so why don't I give it a shot for it?
Enough talking about nice pashmina with very unexpectedly cheap price (damn! that gorgeous and cheap, I will come back there again who knows if I buy somewhere else I will found the same stuff in expensive price). Well shopping in a place like this sometimes is a miracle if we found a good stuff in cheap price.
I want to share little tips to give some treat for eyebrows and eyelashes. I use olive oil (again). It's one for all kind of oil, so it's worth it for girls to have it in their room. I like the natural, easy, cheap, and lot of advantage kind of things. So I don't want to spend hundred thousand rupiahs for buying some cream or serum for treating that little place. If I can afford it I would, but because of the low budget, why I have to waste it all away. Because treating this eyes spot need long time, and doesn't come in an instant. We treat this now, will appear the result maybe after 10 years. So, before it's too late, before I'm in 30 and treat it which some wrinkles already been there, it would be much difficult. This, mom taught me. Like having some Vit. E (She uses Natur E) since early age, so we can 'cheat' the aging, my mom taught me, she have used that since she was in 20. And the result, my mom still looks damn young like in the late 30 age. Ufff.....Maybe need alot more effort for me to be like that.
Ok straight forward to the tips, here we go :
1. Put the olive oil into the cotton, or you may want it directly on your fingers, but it would be anywhere and messier, so cotton it is.
2. Tap it on your brows, and drag it to wherever direction of your brows heading to,but start from the inside point to the outside (end of the eye), brows will be shinny after it
3. Tap and smudge the circle of the eye with the cotton (add some olive oil more), you will find out how dirty it is. And you will never realize that part is missing from your cleanser stuffs.Do the smudge to the above. This part is full with dead cells.
4. For the lashes, just give a little oil, and make the lashes raise up, and see how shinny the lashes will be.
5.Do it everytime you have a chance, and do not use outside home, because it would be oily, and sometimes blurring our vision.
Well, that maybe a little tips for me. Here is the picture of mine. Scary, huh?

Here, I don't wear anything for my eyes, and my face either (looks so oily). Got it why people think about fake stuffs? I fancy the lashes so much, long and curled, even though not so thick and quite spaced between each other, it's not that bad at least it's fine without mascara. About the brows, it's messy not looking so good. My brother has it better than mine, very bold, and not going anywhere like mine. But I'm happy to have those. Just try to maintain everything God gave to you, deary. What's in you is what's best for you and makes you who you are. I hope I can be consistent with everything that I said lolx. Noticing that I have too many part of my body that I'm not fond of them. Got somethings to make them disappear but what can I do, it what makes me feel special, not other people have what I have. Maybe in the making, I got too much ingredients such as hair all over my body, trying to wax it but useless, still growing heavily and luxuriantly. Well enjoy what you have in yourself, you are special for who you really are, not about how you want to copy somebody else.

I Hate...I Hate......

Today was supposed to be a good day. I've been waiting my clothes which are said going to be done today. So I went to the tailor and those haven't finished. Then I tried them all. They already in shape but no buttons. First I tried the orange one. I didn't know why when I saw it, it looked so small. And yes, I tried it and it's really small on me. Usually clothes which is made from tailor is look big in the beginning, but this is very small. I can't put together the part where buttons are set on. Like I have to pull it then they can meet each other. Huh. Am I getting any fatter? I don't think so, it was just 2 weeks, and I did have normal eating, maybe less exercise, and plus I was sick and didn't eat much for days. It's so desperating. Beside that, the orange shirt looked so ugly. It has old vintage style, like really ordinary style, and the orange color looked like a grandma's. But I could trick it if it was just the matter or old style, vintage is not that bad. But it is small. And the second clothes. It looked amazing with purple color and has some golden emboss. I put some dummy for making that design. It has peplum design, not really obviously peplum-ish but I can call it peplum top. But again it was so small. I found it hard to put together the buttons part. I mean even if the I get any fatter, at least the clothes could still fit on me because before they already added some inches for making my clothes. But why they aren't fit on me???

Ok then, i felt totally disappointed. Then mom asked the tailor to fix it. The tailor asked me to bring those clothes just in case those are fit on me when I got home. He thought it was because I use other clothes when I tried them on. But I didn't want it. I just said to him to fix the body part so it doesn't feel that tight anymore. Because it is really tight. If I gain only 1 inches for my top body, maybe I couldn't use those again ever. It was really depressingly just wrapped my body, not covering it. Huh. I wanna explode now. When I was there I just feel normal. But now I don't.

Mom then asked me to look for new fabric. We chose very nice fabric. It was "songket", with pink color and have some flower there. So gorgeous. Well this time I want it to be perfect. It has price Rp35.000,- for a meter. I want the same pattern as the purple clothes with peplum design also. It doesn't matter. I imagine it would look great that way.

Well I have to wait a longer day for it till next week. Damn! I want them all to be fit on me. I've spent  the rest of my saving for it. I didn't use it to buy anything or going anywhere. Most of my saving I spent for paying my rent in Jakarta. Kinda of sad because I don't live there for months and yet still have to pay for it in full amount of money. Almost 3 months let's say I paid for Rp 1.200.000,- for it. When I saw my bank transaction, I just watched how much money I owned that time. Maybe more than Rp 3.000.000,-. I don't know where it's gone. Well leave it. I just gave some of it to people who needs it. 

Can't wait to get my clothes done. Really looking forward into it. I hope my apprenticeship also could get come faster. Because I need to pay my bill. Actually I wait for some of my fairy tales story to be published by some of kids magazine. I hope it will, I really want it since I was a little. Maybe from now I should try to write again. I just write in a day but got so many to write, then the day after that spirit was gone away. And maybe that could add my saving, if the story is published then they gonna send me about Rp 300.000,-. Not bad, huh! But that is out of certainty. Just if. Want some certainty then work your ass off, Duh!!
I may add something I feel hate today. Maybe getting those clothes in small shape could have mean something. At least for 2 weeks, I don't do exercise a lot. I'm getting indicipline about that. I'm getting lazier for doing those activities. I don't know why. Bored maybe. I just do some abs workout routine, and that isn't complete one.Someday I didn't do anything at all. Well that's a thing. Tonight, accidentally while I'm sitting like this now. I touch tummy.Hmm...fat...fat...faaaaaaaaaaaaaaat........ I can feel it...Even I can pull the fat out in my hand from tummy. I feel it, like big bread.....OMG..wanna cryyyyy. Is this it? For a month I did this and in maybe for few days those fat coming back again? I don't know what I have to do.. I should do exercise again or just do some light work out. Thing is if I go back to Jakarta I will be fat again because no chance to work out. Damn it!!! What's happening? I eat rice very little. And appetite just normal not really much. HUh...desperado!!!!!!
 The other annoying thing is my modem. I use neo regular for this month. This month??? Less than a week and all those package has gone by the wind. Maybe just from Wednesday till last night, Saturday. Only three days I spent 2 GB. What a mess!!! Should I buy again. Don't think so. Well, today feel so ufffffffffff,,,but can't forget to be grateful for all the things I get in life for today at least. Alhamdulillah......

Just Another Normal Post

Heya...Feels like years not coming into my blog. Actually I was having bad problem with my stomach, you know if I said stomachache it means I have problem with my disgestion process *.*. For about 2 days full I had this problem, going in out toilet for ehmmm. So tiring but I kinda enjoyed it. Weird?? It's not that, I enjoyed it because my position is in my own home. So, I didn't feel too much suffering for this. Beside that, by having diarhea, I can clean up my stomach from bad bacteries and I lose so much burden from my tummy. Yeay.
I can't online beside of that problem, I also have problem with my modem provider. It reached over the time limit and I got no money so don't fill it. And now I'm kinda borrow my sister's money and I will pay her back tomorrow when I go out for you know shopping or doing something fun.
The thing I wanna talk about here is, finally I can use my old trousers again!!!!!!!! I never used this trousers actually, it was my mom's. I brought that trousers here and there but never really sued it. Because the shape of it really weird on me. It looks like high waist pants, not pencils shape, it kind of straight from tighs parts until down. I'm gonna show the picture later. I wanted to give this trousers to my sister. But she doesn't want that. So the pants keeps folded inside my wardrobe. Without noone touching it. My mom forgot she ever had it and doesn't even know it's exist.
When I used that pants before, I couldn't put the button inside the hole, I couldn't even zipped up the zipper. Damn! And the shape looks so uffff. But now although my ass and tighs still as big as before, but I think they're getting into the shape.So glad. This pants is perfectly coming in, buttoned on, and zipped up perfectly. So glad I could add this pants into my stuffs for working maybe in March.
Well I hope it's not just an illusion, because I'm doing fast and because I'm sick lately. I hope it's because my work out and my food management. I'm intended to arrange some food list if I go back to Jakarta. I really need to do it to keep my body in good shape and healthy. But before that,  I have to lessen my weight bit by bit from now. At least if I come back into my old appetite, it will not disturbed my clothes too much.  Okay in a first week after I got there, I have to eat some foods that I wanted. Start from food near my place, Kwetiaw goreng Mr. Gayus (upps), Ketoprak Bonasel, Nasi Padang (near Indomaret), Sate Kambing ( in front of Indomaret), etc. And for place out from mine, such as Bebek Kaleyo (Tebet), Rich Cheese Factory, Hoka Hoka Bento, and actually I never gone far in Jakarta so I got not much places to go there. I guessed that's enough for me. Gonna need  a lot of money if I stay in Jakarta. But I have to go to shop in traditional market once in a week atleast. And going to do jogging every morning in weekend and holiday. So I will keep eat healthy food and keep my daily routine.
I hope it will come to reality. Gonna capture my picture with that pants and wearing my nice blazer. The blazer was cheap (less than Rp 150.000,-), my mom and I found that in one of clothes shop in my town, forget which one. But the blazer is totally smooth, well sewed, and fall perfectly in my body. So love it. When I bought that I wasn't sure it is good for me, because it is too formally looked. But now it's just going great with that pants. The color isn't brown actually it is like red but very dark.
By the way, I don't know why I feel weird about my hips shape. It doesn't look like other girls's hips. But mom said it's okay. Wide hip is good. But it looks square, you know under my belly button until the gaps between my tighs, ehmm. So it takes some space for my any pants. After all, whatever it is, I just wish to be healthy. I'm not a girl who is really aware about body weight or shape. But I want that some of clothes are fits in me. Because I'm not using same uniform everyday for this work in a year. So have to be clever to choose what's good in me and what's not.
For hijab, I did find already good style for me. It's Arabic style, I took from Nabila-bee's hijab style here .
It doesn't make me looks so chubby, because I don't have obvious cheeks bone. And I really look fine to use pashmina hijab. It could cover my hair well, not transparant, and pashmina always have good color and fabrics. So I just love it better than chiffon, paris, or other hijab fabrics. But actually I don't use 100% pashmina, I have two of them but it is thick, even if it's good. Here is the picture of my hijab style that I'm into.

Looks so pretty, isn't she? *wrong focus* I meant her hijab style?

For clothes, I think I will use jersey long skirt. Because I'm not ready for pants. Upper clothes maybe some batik shirts, which I will make the design bymyself (kind of random), and sew it to tailor here in my town. Although I lost my other 2 fabrics in a very bad tailor. Gonna black list them, huh!

I guess it's okay today, jsut doing some lazy stuffs, can't wait to have breaking my fast today...see ya

Just a Touch of Broken Soul

Today, I'm feeling really messed up. All I want is just get mad, angry, and being crazy. I know there is no point of being sad like that. I'm well aware to keep myself be thankful of everything. But it seems like not that easy in practically. Sometimes, if we look up and see somebody's life, we are going to feel envy and jealous of them. Sometimes I did that also. I don't know what's the story behind them. Who knows that I am luckier than them all. But they are able to show their happiness and hide their holes in their life better than I do. Who knows that somebody out there having some jealousy at me, at my life that I'm having , at everything that I earn now. I never see it that way. I always see flaws that I have. Being angry about something that I'm not even trying to get it. I realize it. I'm well aware of it. God forgive me!
Dealing with myself is the hardest thing to do than making my last paper last year. I could deal with that easily, happily, even if it was hard, I could make myself sure that I would have it done. And yes it was done well. But for dealing with myself even just try to talk to myself out, it's kind of messed up. It has made my head spinning around. I feel really tired of it and end up no exercise, no breakfast and having some junkfood come into my stomach.
What's triggering this? What's the obvious symptom?
I finally find out after I try to look inside myself. I asked to myself when I'm praying and read Holy Quran. Sounds so religious,huh? But it isn't. I'm not that religious girl with long hijab and big size clothes to wear. Not yet. I feel that everytime I see facebook homepage, after that I always feel madly folded my face. It supposed to be fun to see my facebook page. Sometimes I get funny stuff, inspiring posts, information, and new knowledge. But not this now. Everytime I open my facebook page, I directly become terribly concerned about everybody's life. It's because I have too many spare times and I don't use it well, I think. I feel like facebook page doesn't healthy anymore. I mean, too many junk inside there. Too many unimportant stuffs that people posted. Then I remember one of my friend in college. Long time I haven't seen her on facebook since graduation. I search here and there didn't find it. Then by google, found some of hers. I chose facebook, so surprised. She didn't use it anymore. She closed it already. I couldn't find her page anywhere. Even if I found some pictures of her, there's no tag for her. What's happening? I haven't tried to ask her yet. But I bet she got good reason for this. And why didn't I do the same thing? Facebooking sometimes just make people in your life concern about your stupid life, even they concern it to see you fall sometimes. None of them want to see how success you are and waiting your next achievement, I don't think they would. But it depends on how we see it. It could be motivator for people who sees that as motivation to obtain some achievement in their life. But in the other side, it's not more than growing some social-jealousy to anyone who sees their rival as a threat. I'm not really on those both sides, but I know sometimes seeing something on Facebook only able to make you anxious over unimportant things.
I do really want to leave it. But I still need a lot of information from there. But here's the thing. If I just need some informations from there, I shouldn't see something that has no relation to the thing I wanna get information from. Just ignore evrything, good or bad things happend there. It's none of my concern anyway. Find it quite hard I bet. But it's worth a shot. Just keep myself busy and do something that I like. I did fail making video or voice recording. Because the result is weird and didn't go as I thought it would. But I won't stop. I will keep trying maybe for now just voice record only. I did delete my first video because I was so ridicolous there. How about trying to make some articles to send it to some sites who needs article. Well I will try it. Sooner better, I' ve been waiting for their respond. Even if it's kind of desperating.
Afterall I should have just enjoy my own life and keep myself in positive thought. I don't wanna spend my old life in long misery because the bad things that I did in young age.

Don't be Tempted About Tiny Little Thing Called Money

This time tonight, as my daddy is playing some silly game on pc, with me also fooling around blogging some random post, we talked (even we were talking back to back, yes we are busy in our own pc).
He was telling me about some of his friends who ever got bad move on making some business. They are police same like my dad. But you know as government worker, salary which they get each month couldn't cover their daily tertiary needs . I mean, yeah that's enough of money that they could get as government worker, but it could just reach enough bar. If they want to get new serie of cars for them to ride on, they need more effort than being government's bitch (I'm sorry for bad language).
For making this any shorter, dad told me they did some business, according to him it's many kind of business. One that he told, is growing some investment on land. I didn't really get it how it's going. But I understand that the problem is on the land. The first owner kinda have some problem with the bank and land that he uses for investment is kinda in the conflict state. Thing is I didn't really make it sense is, why didn't he  take some curiosity? Knowing that the man who sold the land, has bad reputation. Well who knows about that? Dad also doesn't understand why. This problem eats him alive. He lost 600 million rupiahs for that. Not small amount of money for sure. If my dad did that I don't know, maybe I wouldn't sit here and writting this blog, I could have been anywhere to help him get his money back. This problem is still on going. I hope his friend can figure it out soon.
Another dad's friend also had this kinda problem. Even worse until they had to be imprisoned, the most tragic part is dad had duty to take them to the jail. I don't even imagine how it feels. So, dad told me why he doesn't want to make some business out of his job. He is really dedicated his life to his amazing occupation. Yes, he is very honest, loyal, and value to his job. Job like that of course need strong principe.
Once I ever thought, how if when I work, I do some business aside of my real job. I do alot about that kind of thought. Just thought. I have never made it real. I ever asked parents to buy me some goats when I had money. But then they didn't want to. Look like I got an offspring for both of my parents. They don't like do things like business or side job. Mom said, she couldn't do that because it will end up to loss. Dad also has this same thought. Yeah, I guess they just made for each other.
I saw some other friends doing this that, while having long holiday. I actually want also. Want to move my feet to feel some job and get the fresh air. But then I stop myself and think, this holiday won't back more. I know it's a chance for me to do something. But I ask again myself, are you ready to leave your family? You won't get alot of time like what you're having right now. I know I'm sounded so childish here, like cuddling under mom's armpit. But it's me enjoying the moment. I hope when I do something to them, like serving them to make food, dinner, making coffee, Allah will give me more grace for my future. Hope so.
Once again dad told me that life is not about money, enough for many people sometimes is not enough. They want more in this life. I really know how my parents work start from zero of their life. I feel it. How they build this home, how they collect money penny by penny to buy old car, of course they use some debt in bank. But it is safe because they got it cut from their salary in each month. We are living in pretty simple life. Some other friends with same parent's occupation I saw that time when I was so young, they had very good life. Being famous, going out school with car, having new mobile phone, dress up nicely. That time I was just looking like some silly girl. I heard once a friend asked to another friends, "Why is she living so simple, that A girl looks wealthy, their father policeman right?". "Yeah, maybe her (my) dad position is lower than that A girl", another replied. I heard it, and I was "OK". Since I was kid I'm never ever having that rich girl lifestyle of living. Not every stuffs that I wanted they could give me I know. But I knew my place, that they were in hard place for settling new home, etc,etc.
I was raised in very simple family. I'm really be thankful for that. I never joined some cool girl group. Because I know I couldn't be placed with them. I never having what's "the IN" stuffs like they are using. I don't even want it. I hope that My Glorious God out there could hear me. I want no fancy lifestyle like that. I want that anything I need and want for my family, could be granted. Just that. I'm no proud of what I'm now. I m non talented-average girl next door kind of girl. So...please. I don't want a lot of money if it couldnt make me happy and share it to family and anyone who needs. But money is fine too for now, lolx.
By the way....things get little bit too overwhelmed tonight. I don't wanna end up on some past review, so I gotta end it. I hope I can do some video tutorials or video learning of English. Hope so. Bye

New Vocab (Part 3)

It's been a very clumsy day for me....I didn't know what to do and end up in the earthquake moment in the middle of the noon. It's not much that terribly big, but it was really made me pretty shocked up. More or less it was about 5 minutes. According to BMKG it has 6.3 SR. So potential, huh? Its center was in Hindia ocean, for certain place was in Kebumen regency, near my regency FYI. I watched on the news, they said it was in the depth about 60meters under the sea. That's why it gave some mess around the Java Island. Well I saw it didn't take victims at all, Alhamdulillah. The thing is, it was such a warning for human that He is listening, He is knowing for all that we've done, and He could give us more than that if we stop to obey. Well I got it in the hard way. It's really kicked me in the ass, soooo much. I did want to delay my dzuhur prayer. And I realized, it jsut happend 15 minutes after adzan ended. If someone did pray right after heard the adzan called, it would have been finished by the time the earthquake happend. So, I think it to myself, I shouldn't think to delay it anymore what if this was bigger and harder then I don't know I still can take my last prayer or not. Scary, eh?
Well this time I also post some of new vocabs from Supernatural season 9 episode 10. I didn't finished it yet. Kind of lazy to watch in situation like this. So that just it.

stutter : speaks not clearly
bootted out : kick off, fired
"like it all matters" : "like it's important"
shackle : tied
stiff : rigid, clumsy
vicinity : around, surround, "People who lives in your vicinity will end up dead"
viable : could be work, "I have Plan B which is more viable than Plan A"
scrounge up : looking for, steal
inexplicable : can't be explained
"Why do you need the wheels?" : "Why do you need to use vehicle?"

My New Vocab (Part 2)

Today, I'm going to watch Originals the series which is the spin off from The Vampire Diaries. When TVD started their season 5, Originals released their first season. Kinda like it more than TVD, because the plot and their twisted story between witch, vampire, werewolf, and the original family is really awesome. However TVD starts to get weaker episode by episode. The thing that makes it strong for making their fans stay tune is the power of Damon, but in season 5 he is more like Elena's bitch. Still looking forward what they would bring though. Ok, let's get this faster. I will watch Originals Season 1 Episode 11. I'm gonna make the list of  my new vocabs. Check it out.

to be reckoned with : to be counted on,"He is still good to be reckoned with"
tucked in : slipped in, stayed, "She is tucked in down the hall"
splendid : good, "It's not a splendid idea"
racket : noisy, "What's with all the racket?"
disrupt : disturb, "I said disrupt the household, not the whole city"
manifest : transform, "Why is she manifesting into such a little girl?"
snoopy : overwhelmed curiosity, "I was really snoopy about your secret"
eavesdrop : listen to something behind door etc, "You know you don't have to eavesdrop, I keep nothing from you"
"Eww.. If that's dinner, I pass" ="Eww..if that's dinner, I don't want to eat"
conscrate : making something in holy
bribe :"sogok"
startling : surprising
conveniently : happily. cheerfully, "She said that conveniently"
resurected : come back, can be used again, "After that sacrificing, she will be resurected"
stripped : taken, "I know what it's like to have your happiness stripped away from you"
deteriorate : getting worse, "The more upset you are, the faster you deteriorate"
prominent : outstanding citizen
"Enlightened me" : "explain it to me", "humor me", "try me"
profound : very deep, very big, "it's profound and wonderful to know you are still alive"
hemorrhaging : bleeding
incessant : continuously
stupefy : wonder
refuge : shelter
accomplished : clever, "He is accomplished in many things, but not about cooking"
conduit :transfer, " I do it to conduit my power to that witch"

Too much new vocab in this show, I know, because mostly the actors have British-English accent,  so I think a lot of vocabularies that I never get used to it. Yesterday, I also wanted to write from PLL series, but no new vocabs that I found there. All are easy vocabs, even without subtitle I can understand and get each of their conversation.

The Disquietude in the Edge of 22 Years Old

In this solitude moment like this --a moment between freshgraduated, unemployment *slash* waiting period to be an employee in the Indonesia Bureau of Statistics (we call it BPS here)--, is the most dangerous moment for a girl like me. Why is it so?
In this vacant time or I would like to say it, long holiday, many many thoughts are coming into my mind. Living as single person, under the roof with my parents and siblings, starts to make me feel uncomfortable lately. I am an unemployment, eating from my parents's income,sleeping on their bed and sometimes being lazy, are just a little things that I feel. The worse part is when my mom said, "Just got married there then one burden is released". OMG. Kind of sad actually. It was joking (yea..my mom's joke kind of sarcastic sometimes) so I would not be like hurt a lot and lock myself inside my room no...i wouldn't do that (euww). The thing is I'm getting older with this age.
Well last year, maybe if someone told me about marriage stuffs I would like "Haaa..I'm still in college...study..paper...test.I will go for it later." But now, this escaping mode is really really gets old. This year I would be 23 Insha Allah (aamiiin). And it means that, I MUST  think about that.
This thoughts are starting to get overheated lately. Since, first : I don't have boyfriend, Second : Looks like my parents give it all on me, and the third : I'm not ready in any relationship right now. I'm really screwed. Beside, day by day, my timeline facebook is overwhelmed by wedding pictures post by some of seniors, friends, or even 'crushes' (oww). This anxious feeling comes from my counting too, it's kind of my own perspective, so please don't judge it.
early 2014-early 2015  (23 years old) : apprenticeship
middle 2015 (24 years old) : placement into some random region
All right, that's my counting. I will settle in semi permanent place in the age 24 years old. One thing that I'm afraid of isn't about when I will get married, but Will I get married because of my age and social demand or because I really find someone whom I want to spend my life with.
I feel envy to some of male friends. They have long time for settling theirselves into their good position of their lifes without their parents urge them to get married or arrange them into it. For a girl, past 25 year old is kind of making parents in an anxiousness feeling. They will go here and there to their friends who have single son and start to put some compliments toward their not-yet married daughter.
Imagination is getting scarier, isn't it?
I was having this kind of imagination when I was teenager. Like I will marry in the age 23. Sounds pretty young to be a wife and maybe mother, but still educated after complete the degree. Then it didn't go so well, once I enter college. There seems like I don't want to married that fast. I will complete my degree and work for a year. Yes and then setting some plan 24 is better.That time it was like 10 years later (too much?). But now hello next year I'm gonna be 24.What am I going to do? I believe God already made His plan for me. But it doesn't mean I can just sit back and relax and just praying that our life partner going to fall from ceiling to me, right? Besides that, I'm not kind of girl who is finding it easy to attract opposite sex's attention. Even if there was one or two persons, I usually drag myself away from them once they said interested in me. I don't know this pull push things always happens to me.
Well, I will just think like this. Whenever it is my fate will be, just be it. I wouldn't set the timing or bordering myself on what I should have done. I don't wanna be trapped in a relationship which I don't feel comfy and attached because I'm afraid of being late or pushed by some other people. But anytime anywhere I found the It-Guy, don't take too much time. Just hit it! What a nice words right? All I have to do now is fixing myself to be a better one. Which is very hard to do in situation like this. But it's worth a shot.
Anyway, just relax and be positive.

My New Vocab (PART 1)

I am in the middle of watching Supernatural Season 9 Episode 9, I know it's little bit too late to watch this episode, because I feel this show is getting boring and going anywhere without good point. The reason I keep watching it is because those Winchester brothers :D
But here, I will write some new vocabs from this show, I will do it more often since in my speaking exercise I don't have much new words to talk to, so I think I really need to renew it here. I will try to do it because sometimes I get new vocabs or cool idioms from movie that I watched. Especially from Supernatural, Dean always says new idioms that I think it's really awesome. Here it is

discreet : careful
convey : tell someone about something
summit : top, peak
enormous : big
presumable : can be guessed
"one beer, he is hammered" : "just one beer and he is already drunk"
" Level with me" : "Just say it to me"
befoul : dirtying
serpent : dragon, snake
solitude : loneliness, "My solitude is getting tedious"
tedious : boring
envisioned : dreamed
handpicked : choosed carefully
"He's been all over the map" : " He is been anywhere"
indecipherable : not readable
dupe : victim of deceit
devastated : broken
squatter : wild occupant
fidelity : loyalty
slay : kill

Anger Management (Part 2)

Needn't long time to find about anger management. But need long time to understand all of that. I got some amazing writting about "Why You are Your Own Worst Enemy?". Found this on elitedaily's page. Kind of great article about why ourselves is worst enemy to us. The connection between my anger management here is simply because this worst enemy is the reason why we can be so temper and not thankful for everything we have. By knowing ourselves, maybe we can understand better how to control the bad mind that has been going on around our heads. From that I'm going to rewrite this with my own words about what "not-to do list" to be friend with outselves.

• Don't put some goals to someone 

We shouldn't focus our goals on such a relationship to someone. Why? Because how many times people have let you down? Once or twice? I don't think so. Just set some goals for youself about anything you like to do. Something fun, useful, and develop yourself. I do put a goal on someone. Each time I remember, I feel it eats me alive. It feels like absorbs a lot of attention and it makes me couldn't focus on something real and better.

• Please All and You'll please None

This words really have a deep meaning. We can't do what everyone or society need us to do. Like all of them. We can't really enjoy ourlives with that. Just do whatever is good to you, of course something which is not give bad impact for others, and have a good time with that. Just be yourself and happy.

• Don't think About If for Future Too Much

This IF is really bad disturbance for our movements. I am myself often have this big IF. Like If I ..... will I .....?? Too many consideration and doubt will just make us stepping back. Once we set our plans for future, just get along with it. Find some ways to make it happens. Stop having imagination like we are psychic and judging God's plan. It's really bad to have negative thought about what He is planning to do with you. Just pray and give Him good impression in positive way. He will not let you down even once. Never. I never felt He ever put me in disappointment. I got disappointment by my own deeds and thoughts. That's really bad!

• Stop Generalizing Others

This one thing happens a lot in our  lives. One little person annoyed you, doesn't mean other person in the same gender, age, occupation, tribe, language, or even in the similar faces are the same attitude. Girls maybe like to do this thing. Once they got betrayed by a guy. When they meet other guy and hurt them, they will start say this, "Guys are all the same". Well, don't be too surprised, they don't mean any by this words. Just think it girls, if guys are the same why on earth you try to date different person once in a month? Like you're doing chemo???

• Stop being so Proudy because it is Jealousy

It's really something that darken my heart. For sure? Sometimes Facebook page gives us inspirations but sometimes it gives us some heart disease (not liver or cardio disease IYKWIM). We saw some good moments happens to our friends's lifes. We feel envy, it is jealousy. Some friends making good stuffs by handmade, we saw it and think "Who is going to care about those ugly hairclips?". This proudy feeling also called jealousy, because we know we couldn't do better than those persons and yet we still blame them. It's not healthy I know. But I always do that. Sometimes seeing other happy lives makes us do bad hopes. It is real jealousy and it's the worst. Example is I see a friend's trip abroad with the new family. And I start to stalk on the timeline, see the gaps of sad status and laugh on it like "see her life isn't that good and yet she has gone abroad for honeymoon. what a waste?". Really bad! Just do some useful activities to stay yourself away from this habit.
Don't waste your imagination to make Excuses

Anger Management (Part 1)

Lately, I realized some bad habits that's been happening with me. It's not really new. But I just feel it worse now. I was a really patient, easy going, and like to ignore the bad things that people's saying about me. But I felt something went wrong when I started to act rude whenever my friend put jokes on me or saying something that I don't like. I often get angry or saying something harsh to them. After that I feel really bad and regret it.
I thought maybe it's because I was in bad situation because that time I was in last semester of my study. So I thought I was just going through some bad times. And I feel it's normal. But after that's over, I back to home and it's getting terrible. I mean officially I have nothing to worry about, nothing's going on that make me in the lowest part of my life or having bad times. But I get mad more often over the simple things. Until it made my mom said "Why do you get so temper  after you finished your school?"
Yeah, Can't say that I don't feel that. I do feel that and it's really bugging me too much. Everytime I feel someone talk loud or scream, I feel really mad. It is like I want to come to them and say "Shut the ** up". Or when someone complaining about something too much or too often, it makes my ears burned and it's raising my emotion in the bad level. Moreover when someone shout or angry toward me. I don't know. I feel like I want to throw something on the floor and make some noises.
I'm having a problem with someone too. Pretty intense and difficult. Everytime we chat, we just throw each others bad words, it's really irritating me alot. I don't want to hurt anybody either. But the problem is really hard to explain. So I couldn't share it here or to anyone. This kind of matter makes my day even worse.
I do think, I should get over this kind of attitude. I think I need to manage it well, because soon I'm going to start my work. And I need to get rid of this kind of attitude.
Since now, I have a new homework in my home. About how to stay calm and control my anger well.
I don't know how yet. I'm still reading some sources. It's gonna be harder than keeping my work out program. But it's worth to try. I will keep this updated as partial posts. So just be ready for the next posts, my deary blog. Keep calm and enjoy the life Allah gives to you. Be thankful! Alhamdulillah....

Don't use phrases that include :
always ("You always do that")
never (You never listen to me)
should or shouldn't ("You should do what I want" or "You shouldn't be on the roads")
must or mustn't ("I must be on time", or "I mustn't be late")
not fair

My Program and How to Handle Other's Judgement

Heyaaaa.....it's been so long for me not to write here anymore. Same issues like the previous post actually. It has been the third week for my new hobby. Hobby? Great that I got one now. Before I was talking about my aerobic exercise to decrease my weight. Now, I have intention to shape my tumy and tighs. Because it looks bad. I'm inspired by Jen Selter. She is so happening in twitter or instagram (which I'm not using) as Butt-Goddess. Even Rihanna follows her and envy for her great butt. Yes, I admit it, she has big butt but it is hot. Not big fat ass like that. It makes me thinking. Hey, I have big ass too. I always complain about how big it is. I'm not realized that maybe girls out there working so hard to develop their asses. Why can't I look after it?? It's a gift. Damn! I feel so wasted too much. I do have the body but I never give a damn about to have a shape. Such a fool. All I need to do is control, handle, and worked out.
I have to control the food that enter my tummy. Last night I ate late, it's such a sin for me now to eat that late. I ate noodles (ugh), bread, and drink soda. OMG. I wanna cry after I ate those. Soon after I ate, I did some short exercise. Until I felt tired. I don't want to spoil my exercise. I work hard enough lately.
So this morning I decided not to eat breakfast and just do aerobic and exercise for my tummy and tighs. It hurts alot actually, but I have to handle it. I have to keep work out until I get the shape that I want. If I got the shape, I would try to maintain it well. By still doing exercise and control my foods.
It needs only commitment. I heard my friends talked alot of diet, don't eat this that, and really concern about the food that they eat. But they avoid doing sport or exercise. Maybe their weight could decrease fast, but it won't last long I know. When they stop their commitment, they eat evenmore. Us girls always wonder how a guy, our friend can lose so much weight. I saw how he worked out. He never use lift. He use stairs instead. It's really a bold move. All he needs to is commitment and stop spoil out to his friends that he does diet. WHY?
Here I am going to write how to stay in our commitment of keeping the shape of our body and our relationship to others.
1.First of all, stop talking about your program before you even start it.
You can just do your work out or gym without telling "hy girls, I'm on diet you want to join me?"
Don't ever say that. You could just ask your friends to join you but not show off like that. "Hey, how about this weekend we go to gym or doing some aerobic exercise together. My body needs some movements. Will you join me?"
2. Bring up friends who are really have same motivation and intention.
Friends are really needed for giving support to us. By giving motivation once when our feeling gets lose to do our commitment is important. So when we are going to do some of work out or diet, ask friends that you already know that they have big motivation not friends who are too much talking and no action. Because they will drag you backward far from your commitment. Just look around and talk to your each friends about to go jogging in the morningor doing gym. See if they canceled it or not. If you and your friends could get along for more than a week, then it is your motivator friends.
3.Don't hang out too often with friends who have "big belly"
Sounds rude? It doesn't mean like that. I mean here, don't hang out with friends who are like to eat alot anytime anywhere. It's fine if we go hang out to the mall on weekend. But what if your friends ask you to stop in some junkfoods places or grabbing some ice cream everytime you go out? I don't think it's great idea. Once or second time in a week it's fine. But everytime when you walk home from office? Beside it's bad for your purse, it's bad for your health. Try to maximize your eating at home not going out. But don't punish yourself by not to go at all. We need to be happy right?
4. Ignore all the bad judgements from others
When some of people around you, know what you're doing. They will start to judge. It's a must. They are going to say "Hey you don't seem to lose so much weight? Why don't you just stop and join us!", "You're not look good at all in that pants. You said you have worked out. It doesn't look that way to me.", "You shouldn't eat that you are on diet.Or that also don't", "I see you're not going to have dinner. You're on diet."
Oh please those judgy big mouths are always open for you. So be ready.The safest thing is don't ever show them that you have your own food journal or exercise program inside your room. Just do simple exercise not aerobic one. And eat normally and don't refuse when your friends ask you to buy foods in night. Just walk them out at least it's good for your legs. But don't buy food because you already eat before night.
Maybe those are things that comes in mind. Some are happening to m some are happening to my friends. Sometimes I become the judgy person too. It's really annoying actually. But anyway be healthy and hottie!!!!!!

Working Out to Get Flat and Slim Stomach

I am sooo motivated to have a good body. Because yesterday I was so happy that some of pants are fit again for me, also my small tank top that I thought is impossible to wear, now it fits me perfectly. Maybe my weight isn’t coming down that much like what you think it is. But I think I lose some useless fat which had been buried for such a long time. At least they are burned little by a little. But as I told you in previous posts, I’m still looking for a way to make my stomach and tighs slimmer. So today I looked for the way.

I found a post which is posted by a friend on facebook about getting slimmer tummy. Wow, exactly what I wanted to see. I saw the picture which has many quotes and tips. I’m going to post it here in my own words.

1.      Exercise approximately 30-60 minutes per-day. (Done)

2.      Eat small meals often and don’t skip meals (Less carbohydrate Done)

3.      Eat fruits and vegetables with every meal (Done)

4.      Weigh yourself daily (Not yet)

5.      Keep a food journal with you always (In process of making journal)

6.      Remove all unhealthy snacks (I don’t have snacks, so Done)

7.      Store only healthy foods and snacks (Done, fruits, coconut biscuits, no noodles in a week)

8.      Schedule physical activities (Done)

9.      Eat at home often (always Done)

10.  Don’t use serving bowl (I don’t know what is this)

11.  Fill up healthy foods before dessert (I never had dessert)

12.  Make active choices for everyday tasks (I’m lazy)

13.  Don’t eat while watching TV (Done)

14.  Vary activities (not yet)

15.  Never eat from containers (Done)

16.  De-Stres before eating (don’t stress? Why should I?)

17.  Start with high fiber breakfast (not yet)

18.  Buy and use pedometer (not yet)

19.  Walk 30 minutes everyday (not yet)

20.  Plan a week's groceries (I will)

21.  Have a craving plan (oh sure)

22.  Reward yourself with non foods (If I ate too much I will regret and have to add more exercise)

23.  Use a weight loss online buddy ( I don’t get it)

24.  Wear blue (it will press appetite, sure I don’t like blue that’s why I always hungry)

25.  Throw out large plates (Done)

26.  Throw out large clothes (No actually, now I reuse my small clothes)

27.  Use mirror to measure (I use some body measure)

28.  Read labels on food product (Never)

29.  Avoid butter (I don’t eat much of it)

30.  Increase calcium (like calcium milk or what?)

I already did some of them, and it works enough for me. Beside doing those things, I have a video about shaping tummy and lower part of my body. It is soooooooo difficult, I admit. Some Pilate work out also included here. I just can do 2 or 3 moves and that wasn’t completed. This work out is about 10 minutes. I think I will try a little bit when I have some spare time, this exercise also good for me if I moved back to Jakarta. Needn’t much place and don’t make some noises in my bedroom. Be slimmer and hotter!

My Daily Plan If I Go Back to Jakarta

I ve been thinking about “Will I come back to my old habit if I came back to Jakarta?”

My lifestyle there was really bad an unhealthy. After pray in the morning I slept again. Woke up very late. No breakfast and changed it into “brunch” instead, with highly amount of portion. Sleep a lot in afternoon. Eat in the late night with also much foods which have too much calories and not healthy. Of course because slept in noon, I can’t sleep at night so I slept above 1 am. Think about it. Noone of it good at all. No wonder, after spending 4 years there, I could gain more than 5kg now. My homework  at home is to fix this huge mistake. Very hard you know!

It makes me thinking, if I go back there? My work hard here will be useless. I will be like that anymore. It got me so frustrated. If I worked, I would have no time to exercise. This time right now, I’m thinking how to stay healthy with hot figure as my resolution in early 2014.

Here, I set some activities in daily life when I start to work later. I MUST  do it. No excuses!

·         Wake up early about 3.15am for qiyamullail *tahajud*. I wish I can do this.

·         After that preparing some foods to bring for lunch in office and breakfast. Simple food is needed, so I’m going to make some simple menu from now.

·         Maybe about 4am-4.30am before praying doing some simple exercises or just washing clothes and then take a bath.

·         About 5am preparing to go to office. Since there we only got 1 bathroom for 7 people so have to be smart and diligent to wake up early just for booking the bathroom.

·         Go straight to office before 6am.

·         Maybe go home about 7pm. Eating a little. Then go shower or preparing foods for tomorrow.

·         Have to sleep before 11pm. And must cook rice before sleep.

Well I got some ideas for breakfast or lunch.

1.      Omellete veggie

2 eggs with salt,cabbage, chillies, onions, or sausage/meatballs, etc (put it in one place in night and place in refri so the next morning just crack some eggs and fry)

2.      Garlic Bread

Put some margarine in one place with mashed garlic and small chopped celery (in the night). In the morning just put those mix margarine into a pan and put some slice of breads into it and fry. So I don’t have to wash the pan for making these two foods.

Those are fast and simple foods for lunch. But maybe I can feel lazy to bring those all. So, I would just fry some eggs and put it in between 2 slice of bread and make some easy salads. I know I will be lazy that time and going to bring bread or milk to work. That will be enough I think.  For exercise maybe I can’t do more often anymore. So in Saturday and Sunday, I have to do jogging as I did a year ago and in afternoon I can have much sleeping as I need to. Don’t forget to buy some veggies in traditional market there for a week. Some green veggies, chillies, garlic, onions, rice, eggs, noodles, or fruits maybe.

Well finally I made this rule for myself. Looking forward to make it real in future. Be healthy and hot!