Just Another Normal Post

Heya...Feels like years not coming into my blog. Actually I was having bad problem with my stomach, you know if I said stomachache it means I have problem with my disgestion process *.*. For about 2 days full I had this problem, going in out toilet for ehmmm. So tiring but I kinda enjoyed it. Weird?? It's not that, I enjoyed it because my position is in my own home. So, I didn't feel too much suffering for this. Beside that, by having diarhea, I can clean up my stomach from bad bacteries and I lose so much burden from my tummy. Yeay.
I can't online beside of that problem, I also have problem with my modem provider. It reached over the time limit and I got no money so don't fill it. And now I'm kinda borrow my sister's money and I will pay her back tomorrow when I go out for you know shopping or doing something fun.
The thing I wanna talk about here is, finally I can use my old trousers again!!!!!!!! I never used this trousers actually, it was my mom's. I brought that trousers here and there but never really sued it. Because the shape of it really weird on me. It looks like high waist pants, not pencils shape, it kind of straight from tighs parts until down. I'm gonna show the picture later. I wanted to give this trousers to my sister. But she doesn't want that. So the pants keeps folded inside my wardrobe. Without noone touching it. My mom forgot she ever had it and doesn't even know it's exist.
When I used that pants before, I couldn't put the button inside the hole, I couldn't even zipped up the zipper. Damn! And the shape looks so uffff. But now although my ass and tighs still as big as before, but I think they're getting into the shape.So glad. This pants is perfectly coming in, buttoned on, and zipped up perfectly. So glad I could add this pants into my stuffs for working maybe in March.
Well I hope it's not just an illusion, because I'm doing fast and because I'm sick lately. I hope it's because my work out and my food management. I'm intended to arrange some food list if I go back to Jakarta. I really need to do it to keep my body in good shape and healthy. But before that,  I have to lessen my weight bit by bit from now. At least if I come back into my old appetite, it will not disturbed my clothes too much.  Okay in a first week after I got there, I have to eat some foods that I wanted. Start from food near my place, Kwetiaw goreng Mr. Gayus (upps), Ketoprak Bonasel, Nasi Padang (near Indomaret), Sate Kambing ( in front of Indomaret), etc. And for place out from mine, such as Bebek Kaleyo (Tebet), Rich Cheese Factory, Hoka Hoka Bento, and actually I never gone far in Jakarta so I got not much places to go there. I guessed that's enough for me. Gonna need  a lot of money if I stay in Jakarta. But I have to go to shop in traditional market once in a week atleast. And going to do jogging every morning in weekend and holiday. So I will keep eat healthy food and keep my daily routine.
I hope it will come to reality. Gonna capture my picture with that pants and wearing my nice blazer. The blazer was cheap (less than Rp 150.000,-), my mom and I found that in one of clothes shop in my town, forget which one. But the blazer is totally smooth, well sewed, and fall perfectly in my body. So love it. When I bought that I wasn't sure it is good for me, because it is too formally looked. But now it's just going great with that pants. The color isn't brown actually it is like red but very dark.
By the way, I don't know why I feel weird about my hips shape. It doesn't look like other girls's hips. But mom said it's okay. Wide hip is good. But it looks square, you know under my belly button until the gaps between my tighs, ehmm. So it takes some space for my any pants. After all, whatever it is, I just wish to be healthy. I'm not a girl who is really aware about body weight or shape. But I want that some of clothes are fits in me. Because I'm not using same uniform everyday for this work in a year. So have to be clever to choose what's good in me and what's not.
For hijab, I did find already good style for me. It's Arabic style, I took from Nabila-bee's hijab style here .
It doesn't make me looks so chubby, because I don't have obvious cheeks bone. And I really look fine to use pashmina hijab. It could cover my hair well, not transparant, and pashmina always have good color and fabrics. So I just love it better than chiffon, paris, or other hijab fabrics. But actually I don't use 100% pashmina, I have two of them but it is thick, even if it's good. Here is the picture of my hijab style that I'm into.

Looks so pretty, isn't she? *wrong focus* I meant her hijab style?

For clothes, I think I will use jersey long skirt. Because I'm not ready for pants. Upper clothes maybe some batik shirts, which I will make the design bymyself (kind of random), and sew it to tailor here in my town. Although I lost my other 2 fabrics in a very bad tailor. Gonna black list them, huh!

I guess it's okay today, jsut doing some lazy stuffs, can't wait to have breaking my fast today...see ya

Just a Touch of Broken Soul

Today, I'm feeling really messed up. All I want is just get mad, angry, and being crazy. I know there is no point of being sad like that. I'm well aware to keep myself be thankful of everything. But it seems like not that easy in practically. Sometimes, if we look up and see somebody's life, we are going to feel envy and jealous of them. Sometimes I did that also. I don't know what's the story behind them. Who knows that I am luckier than them all. But they are able to show their happiness and hide their holes in their life better than I do. Who knows that somebody out there having some jealousy at me, at my life that I'm having , at everything that I earn now. I never see it that way. I always see flaws that I have. Being angry about something that I'm not even trying to get it. I realize it. I'm well aware of it. God forgive me!
Dealing with myself is the hardest thing to do than making my last paper last year. I could deal with that easily, happily, even if it was hard, I could make myself sure that I would have it done. And yes it was done well. But for dealing with myself even just try to talk to myself out, it's kind of messed up. It has made my head spinning around. I feel really tired of it and end up no exercise, no breakfast and having some junkfood come into my stomach.
What's triggering this? What's the obvious symptom?
I finally find out after I try to look inside myself. I asked to myself when I'm praying and read Holy Quran. Sounds so religious,huh? But it isn't. I'm not that religious girl with long hijab and big size clothes to wear. Not yet. I feel that everytime I see facebook homepage, after that I always feel madly folded my face. It supposed to be fun to see my facebook page. Sometimes I get funny stuff, inspiring posts, information, and new knowledge. But not this now. Everytime I open my facebook page, I directly become terribly concerned about everybody's life. It's because I have too many spare times and I don't use it well, I think. I feel like facebook page doesn't healthy anymore. I mean, too many junk inside there. Too many unimportant stuffs that people posted. Then I remember one of my friend in college. Long time I haven't seen her on facebook since graduation. I search here and there didn't find it. Then by google, found some of hers. I chose facebook, so surprised. She didn't use it anymore. She closed it already. I couldn't find her page anywhere. Even if I found some pictures of her, there's no tag for her. What's happening? I haven't tried to ask her yet. But I bet she got good reason for this. And why didn't I do the same thing? Facebooking sometimes just make people in your life concern about your stupid life, even they concern it to see you fall sometimes. None of them want to see how success you are and waiting your next achievement, I don't think they would. But it depends on how we see it. It could be motivator for people who sees that as motivation to obtain some achievement in their life. But in the other side, it's not more than growing some social-jealousy to anyone who sees their rival as a threat. I'm not really on those both sides, but I know sometimes seeing something on Facebook only able to make you anxious over unimportant things.
I do really want to leave it. But I still need a lot of information from there. But here's the thing. If I just need some informations from there, I shouldn't see something that has no relation to the thing I wanna get information from. Just ignore evrything, good or bad things happend there. It's none of my concern anyway. Find it quite hard I bet. But it's worth a shot. Just keep myself busy and do something that I like. I did fail making video or voice recording. Because the result is weird and didn't go as I thought it would. But I won't stop. I will keep trying maybe for now just voice record only. I did delete my first video because I was so ridicolous there. How about trying to make some articles to send it to some sites who needs article. Well I will try it. Sooner better, I' ve been waiting for their respond. Even if it's kind of desperating.
Afterall I should have just enjoy my own life and keep myself in positive thought. I don't wanna spend my old life in long misery because the bad things that I did in young age.

Don't be Tempted About Tiny Little Thing Called Money

This time tonight, as my daddy is playing some silly game on pc, with me also fooling around blogging some random post, we talked (even we were talking back to back, yes we are busy in our own pc).
He was telling me about some of his friends who ever got bad move on making some business. They are police same like my dad. But you know as government worker, salary which they get each month couldn't cover their daily tertiary needs . I mean, yeah that's enough of money that they could get as government worker, but it could just reach enough bar. If they want to get new serie of cars for them to ride on, they need more effort than being government's bitch (I'm sorry for bad language).
For making this any shorter, dad told me they did some business, according to him it's many kind of business. One that he told, is growing some investment on land. I didn't really get it how it's going. But I understand that the problem is on the land. The first owner kinda have some problem with the bank and land that he uses for investment is kinda in the conflict state. Thing is I didn't really make it sense is, why didn't he  take some curiosity? Knowing that the man who sold the land, has bad reputation. Well who knows about that? Dad also doesn't understand why. This problem eats him alive. He lost 600 million rupiahs for that. Not small amount of money for sure. If my dad did that I don't know, maybe I wouldn't sit here and writting this blog, I could have been anywhere to help him get his money back. This problem is still on going. I hope his friend can figure it out soon.
Another dad's friend also had this kinda problem. Even worse until they had to be imprisoned, the most tragic part is dad had duty to take them to the jail. I don't even imagine how it feels. So, dad told me why he doesn't want to make some business out of his job. He is really dedicated his life to his amazing occupation. Yes, he is very honest, loyal, and value to his job. Job like that of course need strong principe.
Once I ever thought, how if when I work, I do some business aside of my real job. I do alot about that kind of thought. Just thought. I have never made it real. I ever asked parents to buy me some goats when I had money. But then they didn't want to. Look like I got an offspring for both of my parents. They don't like do things like business or side job. Mom said, she couldn't do that because it will end up to loss. Dad also has this same thought. Yeah, I guess they just made for each other.
I saw some other friends doing this that, while having long holiday. I actually want also. Want to move my feet to feel some job and get the fresh air. But then I stop myself and think, this holiday won't back more. I know it's a chance for me to do something. But I ask again myself, are you ready to leave your family? You won't get alot of time like what you're having right now. I know I'm sounded so childish here, like cuddling under mom's armpit. But it's me enjoying the moment. I hope when I do something to them, like serving them to make food, dinner, making coffee, Allah will give me more grace for my future. Hope so.
Once again dad told me that life is not about money, enough for many people sometimes is not enough. They want more in this life. I really know how my parents work start from zero of their life. I feel it. How they build this home, how they collect money penny by penny to buy old car, of course they use some debt in bank. But it is safe because they got it cut from their salary in each month. We are living in pretty simple life. Some other friends with same parent's occupation I saw that time when I was so young, they had very good life. Being famous, going out school with car, having new mobile phone, dress up nicely. That time I was just looking like some silly girl. I heard once a friend asked to another friends, "Why is she living so simple, that A girl looks wealthy, their father policeman right?". "Yeah, maybe her (my) dad position is lower than that A girl", another replied. I heard it, and I was "OK". Since I was kid I'm never ever having that rich girl lifestyle of living. Not every stuffs that I wanted they could give me I know. But I knew my place, that they were in hard place for settling new home, etc,etc.
I was raised in very simple family. I'm really be thankful for that. I never joined some cool girl group. Because I know I couldn't be placed with them. I never having what's "the IN" stuffs like they are using. I don't even want it. I hope that My Glorious God out there could hear me. I want no fancy lifestyle like that. I want that anything I need and want for my family, could be granted. Just that. I'm no proud of what I'm now. I m non talented-average girl next door kind of girl. So...please. I don't want a lot of money if it couldnt make me happy and share it to family and anyone who needs. But money is fine too for now, lolx.
By the way....things get little bit too overwhelmed tonight. I don't wanna end up on some past review, so I gotta end it. I hope I can do some video tutorials or video learning of English. Hope so. Bye

New Vocab (Part 3)

It's been a very clumsy day for me....I didn't know what to do and end up in the earthquake moment in the middle of the noon. It's not much that terribly big, but it was really made me pretty shocked up. More or less it was about 5 minutes. According to BMKG it has 6.3 SR. So potential, huh? Its center was in Hindia ocean, for certain place was in Kebumen regency, near my regency FYI. I watched on the news, they said it was in the depth about 60meters under the sea. That's why it gave some mess around the Java Island. Well I saw it didn't take victims at all, Alhamdulillah. The thing is, it was such a warning for human that He is listening, He is knowing for all that we've done, and He could give us more than that if we stop to obey. Well I got it in the hard way. It's really kicked me in the ass, soooo much. I did want to delay my dzuhur prayer. And I realized, it jsut happend 15 minutes after adzan ended. If someone did pray right after heard the adzan called, it would have been finished by the time the earthquake happend. So, I think it to myself, I shouldn't think to delay it anymore what if this was bigger and harder then I don't know I still can take my last prayer or not. Scary, eh?
Well this time I also post some of new vocabs from Supernatural season 9 episode 10. I didn't finished it yet. Kind of lazy to watch in situation like this. So that just it.

stutter : speaks not clearly
bootted out : kick off, fired
"like it all matters" : "like it's important"
shackle : tied
stiff : rigid, clumsy
vicinity : around, surround, "People who lives in your vicinity will end up dead"
viable : could be work, "I have Plan B which is more viable than Plan A"
scrounge up : looking for, steal
inexplicable : can't be explained
"Why do you need the wheels?" : "Why do you need to use vehicle?"

My New Vocab (Part 2)

Today, I'm going to watch Originals the series which is the spin off from The Vampire Diaries. When TVD started their season 5, Originals released their first season. Kinda like it more than TVD, because the plot and their twisted story between witch, vampire, werewolf, and the original family is really awesome. However TVD starts to get weaker episode by episode. The thing that makes it strong for making their fans stay tune is the power of Damon, but in season 5 he is more like Elena's bitch. Still looking forward what they would bring though. Ok, let's get this faster. I will watch Originals Season 1 Episode 11. I'm gonna make the list of  my new vocabs. Check it out.

to be reckoned with : to be counted on,"He is still good to be reckoned with"
tucked in : slipped in, stayed, "She is tucked in down the hall"
splendid : good, "It's not a splendid idea"
racket : noisy, "What's with all the racket?"
disrupt : disturb, "I said disrupt the household, not the whole city"
manifest : transform, "Why is she manifesting into such a little girl?"
snoopy : overwhelmed curiosity, "I was really snoopy about your secret"
eavesdrop : listen to something behind door etc, "You know you don't have to eavesdrop, I keep nothing from you"
"Eww.. If that's dinner, I pass" ="Eww..if that's dinner, I don't want to eat"
conscrate : making something in holy
bribe :"sogok"
startling : surprising
conveniently : happily. cheerfully, "She said that conveniently"
resurected : come back, can be used again, "After that sacrificing, she will be resurected"
stripped : taken, "I know what it's like to have your happiness stripped away from you"
deteriorate : getting worse, "The more upset you are, the faster you deteriorate"
prominent : outstanding citizen
"Enlightened me" : "explain it to me", "humor me", "try me"
profound : very deep, very big, "it's profound and wonderful to know you are still alive"
hemorrhaging : bleeding
incessant : continuously
stupefy : wonder
refuge : shelter
accomplished : clever, "He is accomplished in many things, but not about cooking"
conduit :transfer, " I do it to conduit my power to that witch"

Too much new vocab in this show, I know, because mostly the actors have British-English accent,  so I think a lot of vocabularies that I never get used to it. Yesterday, I also wanted to write from PLL series, but no new vocabs that I found there. All are easy vocabs, even without subtitle I can understand and get each of their conversation.

The Disquietude in the Edge of 22 Years Old

In this solitude moment like this --a moment between freshgraduated, unemployment *slash* waiting period to be an employee in the Indonesia Bureau of Statistics (we call it BPS here)--, is the most dangerous moment for a girl like me. Why is it so?
In this vacant time or I would like to say it, long holiday, many many thoughts are coming into my mind. Living as single person, under the roof with my parents and siblings, starts to make me feel uncomfortable lately. I am an unemployment, eating from my parents's income,sleeping on their bed and sometimes being lazy, are just a little things that I feel. The worse part is when my mom said, "Just got married there then one burden is released". OMG. Kind of sad actually. It was joking (yea..my mom's joke kind of sarcastic sometimes) so I would not be like hurt a lot and lock myself inside my room no...i wouldn't do that (euww). The thing is I'm getting older with this age.
Well last year, maybe if someone told me about marriage stuffs I would like "Haaa..I'm still in college...study..paper...test.I will go for it later." But now, this escaping mode is really really gets old. This year I would be 23 Insha Allah (aamiiin). And it means that, I MUST  think about that.
This thoughts are starting to get overheated lately. Since, first : I don't have boyfriend, Second : Looks like my parents give it all on me, and the third : I'm not ready in any relationship right now. I'm really screwed. Beside, day by day, my timeline facebook is overwhelmed by wedding pictures post by some of seniors, friends, or even 'crushes' (oww). This anxious feeling comes from my counting too, it's kind of my own perspective, so please don't judge it.
early 2014-early 2015  (23 years old) : apprenticeship
middle 2015 (24 years old) : placement into some random region
All right, that's my counting. I will settle in semi permanent place in the age 24 years old. One thing that I'm afraid of isn't about when I will get married, but Will I get married because of my age and social demand or because I really find someone whom I want to spend my life with.
I feel envy to some of male friends. They have long time for settling theirselves into their good position of their lifes without their parents urge them to get married or arrange them into it. For a girl, past 25 year old is kind of making parents in an anxiousness feeling. They will go here and there to their friends who have single son and start to put some compliments toward their not-yet married daughter.
Imagination is getting scarier, isn't it?
I was having this kind of imagination when I was teenager. Like I will marry in the age 23. Sounds pretty young to be a wife and maybe mother, but still educated after complete the degree. Then it didn't go so well, once I enter college. There seems like I don't want to married that fast. I will complete my degree and work for a year. Yes and then setting some plan 24 is better.That time it was like 10 years later (too much?). But now hello next year I'm gonna be 24.What am I going to do? I believe God already made His plan for me. But it doesn't mean I can just sit back and relax and just praying that our life partner going to fall from ceiling to me, right? Besides that, I'm not kind of girl who is finding it easy to attract opposite sex's attention. Even if there was one or two persons, I usually drag myself away from them once they said interested in me. I don't know this pull push things always happens to me.
Well, I will just think like this. Whenever it is my fate will be, just be it. I wouldn't set the timing or bordering myself on what I should have done. I don't wanna be trapped in a relationship which I don't feel comfy and attached because I'm afraid of being late or pushed by some other people. But anytime anywhere I found the It-Guy, don't take too much time. Just hit it! What a nice words right? All I have to do now is fixing myself to be a better one. Which is very hard to do in situation like this. But it's worth a shot.
Anyway, just relax and be positive.

My New Vocab (PART 1)

I am in the middle of watching Supernatural Season 9 Episode 9, I know it's little bit too late to watch this episode, because I feel this show is getting boring and going anywhere without good point. The reason I keep watching it is because those Winchester brothers :D
But here, I will write some new vocabs from this show, I will do it more often since in my speaking exercise I don't have much new words to talk to, so I think I really need to renew it here. I will try to do it because sometimes I get new vocabs or cool idioms from movie that I watched. Especially from Supernatural, Dean always says new idioms that I think it's really awesome. Here it is

discreet : careful
convey : tell someone about something
summit : top, peak
enormous : big
presumable : can be guessed
"one beer, he is hammered" : "just one beer and he is already drunk"
" Level with me" : "Just say it to me"
befoul : dirtying
serpent : dragon, snake
solitude : loneliness, "My solitude is getting tedious"
tedious : boring
envisioned : dreamed
handpicked : choosed carefully
"He's been all over the map" : " He is been anywhere"
indecipherable : not readable
dupe : victim of deceit
devastated : broken
squatter : wild occupant
fidelity : loyalty
slay : kill

Anger Management (Part 2)

Needn't long time to find about anger management. But need long time to understand all of that. I got some amazing writting about "Why You are Your Own Worst Enemy?". Found this on elitedaily's page. Kind of great article about why ourselves is worst enemy to us. The connection between my anger management here is simply because this worst enemy is the reason why we can be so temper and not thankful for everything we have. By knowing ourselves, maybe we can understand better how to control the bad mind that has been going on around our heads. From that I'm going to rewrite this with my own words about what "not-to do list" to be friend with outselves.

• Don't put some goals to someone 

We shouldn't focus our goals on such a relationship to someone. Why? Because how many times people have let you down? Once or twice? I don't think so. Just set some goals for youself about anything you like to do. Something fun, useful, and develop yourself. I do put a goal on someone. Each time I remember, I feel it eats me alive. It feels like absorbs a lot of attention and it makes me couldn't focus on something real and better.

• Please All and You'll please None

This words really have a deep meaning. We can't do what everyone or society need us to do. Like all of them. We can't really enjoy ourlives with that. Just do whatever is good to you, of course something which is not give bad impact for others, and have a good time with that. Just be yourself and happy.

• Don't think About If for Future Too Much

This IF is really bad disturbance for our movements. I am myself often have this big IF. Like If I ..... will I .....?? Too many consideration and doubt will just make us stepping back. Once we set our plans for future, just get along with it. Find some ways to make it happens. Stop having imagination like we are psychic and judging God's plan. It's really bad to have negative thought about what He is planning to do with you. Just pray and give Him good impression in positive way. He will not let you down even once. Never. I never felt He ever put me in disappointment. I got disappointment by my own deeds and thoughts. That's really bad!

• Stop Generalizing Others

This one thing happens a lot in our  lives. One little person annoyed you, doesn't mean other person in the same gender, age, occupation, tribe, language, or even in the similar faces are the same attitude. Girls maybe like to do this thing. Once they got betrayed by a guy. When they meet other guy and hurt them, they will start say this, "Guys are all the same". Well, don't be too surprised, they don't mean any by this words. Just think it girls, if guys are the same why on earth you try to date different person once in a month? Like you're doing chemo???

• Stop being so Proudy because it is Jealousy

It's really something that darken my heart. For sure? Sometimes Facebook page gives us inspirations but sometimes it gives us some heart disease (not liver or cardio disease IYKWIM). We saw some good moments happens to our friends's lifes. We feel envy, it is jealousy. Some friends making good stuffs by handmade, we saw it and think "Who is going to care about those ugly hairclips?". This proudy feeling also called jealousy, because we know we couldn't do better than those persons and yet we still blame them. It's not healthy I know. But I always do that. Sometimes seeing other happy lives makes us do bad hopes. It is real jealousy and it's the worst. Example is I see a friend's trip abroad with the new family. And I start to stalk on the timeline, see the gaps of sad status and laugh on it like "see her life isn't that good and yet she has gone abroad for honeymoon. what a waste?". Really bad! Just do some useful activities to stay yourself away from this habit.
Don't waste your imagination to make Excuses

Anger Management (Part 1)

Lately, I realized some bad habits that's been happening with me. It's not really new. But I just feel it worse now. I was a really patient, easy going, and like to ignore the bad things that people's saying about me. But I felt something went wrong when I started to act rude whenever my friend put jokes on me or saying something that I don't like. I often get angry or saying something harsh to them. After that I feel really bad and regret it.
I thought maybe it's because I was in bad situation because that time I was in last semester of my study. So I thought I was just going through some bad times. And I feel it's normal. But after that's over, I back to home and it's getting terrible. I mean officially I have nothing to worry about, nothing's going on that make me in the lowest part of my life or having bad times. But I get mad more often over the simple things. Until it made my mom said "Why do you get so temper  after you finished your school?"
Yeah, Can't say that I don't feel that. I do feel that and it's really bugging me too much. Everytime I feel someone talk loud or scream, I feel really mad. It is like I want to come to them and say "Shut the ** up". Or when someone complaining about something too much or too often, it makes my ears burned and it's raising my emotion in the bad level. Moreover when someone shout or angry toward me. I don't know. I feel like I want to throw something on the floor and make some noises.
I'm having a problem with someone too. Pretty intense and difficult. Everytime we chat, we just throw each others bad words, it's really irritating me alot. I don't want to hurt anybody either. But the problem is really hard to explain. So I couldn't share it here or to anyone. This kind of matter makes my day even worse.
I do think, I should get over this kind of attitude. I think I need to manage it well, because soon I'm going to start my work. And I need to get rid of this kind of attitude.
Since now, I have a new homework in my home. About how to stay calm and control my anger well.
I don't know how yet. I'm still reading some sources. It's gonna be harder than keeping my work out program. But it's worth to try. I will keep this updated as partial posts. So just be ready for the next posts, my deary blog. Keep calm and enjoy the life Allah gives to you. Be thankful! Alhamdulillah....

Don't use phrases that include :
always ("You always do that")
never (You never listen to me)
should or shouldn't ("You should do what I want" or "You shouldn't be on the roads")
must or mustn't ("I must be on time", or "I mustn't be late")
not fair

My Program and How to Handle Other's Judgement

Heyaaaa.....it's been so long for me not to write here anymore. Same issues like the previous post actually. It has been the third week for my new hobby. Hobby? Great that I got one now. Before I was talking about my aerobic exercise to decrease my weight. Now, I have intention to shape my tumy and tighs. Because it looks bad. I'm inspired by Jen Selter. She is so happening in twitter or instagram (which I'm not using) as Butt-Goddess. Even Rihanna follows her and envy for her great butt. Yes, I admit it, she has big butt but it is hot. Not big fat ass like that. It makes me thinking. Hey, I have big ass too. I always complain about how big it is. I'm not realized that maybe girls out there working so hard to develop their asses. Why can't I look after it?? It's a gift. Damn! I feel so wasted too much. I do have the body but I never give a damn about to have a shape. Such a fool. All I need to do is control, handle, and worked out.
I have to control the food that enter my tummy. Last night I ate late, it's such a sin for me now to eat that late. I ate noodles (ugh), bread, and drink soda. OMG. I wanna cry after I ate those. Soon after I ate, I did some short exercise. Until I felt tired. I don't want to spoil my exercise. I work hard enough lately.
So this morning I decided not to eat breakfast and just do aerobic and exercise for my tummy and tighs. It hurts alot actually, but I have to handle it. I have to keep work out until I get the shape that I want. If I got the shape, I would try to maintain it well. By still doing exercise and control my foods.
It needs only commitment. I heard my friends talked alot of diet, don't eat this that, and really concern about the food that they eat. But they avoid doing sport or exercise. Maybe their weight could decrease fast, but it won't last long I know. When they stop their commitment, they eat evenmore. Us girls always wonder how a guy, our friend can lose so much weight. I saw how he worked out. He never use lift. He use stairs instead. It's really a bold move. All he needs to is commitment and stop spoil out to his friends that he does diet. WHY?
Here I am going to write how to stay in our commitment of keeping the shape of our body and our relationship to others.
1.First of all, stop talking about your program before you even start it.
You can just do your work out or gym without telling "hy girls, I'm on diet you want to join me?"
Don't ever say that. You could just ask your friends to join you but not show off like that. "Hey, how about this weekend we go to gym or doing some aerobic exercise together. My body needs some movements. Will you join me?"
2. Bring up friends who are really have same motivation and intention.
Friends are really needed for giving support to us. By giving motivation once when our feeling gets lose to do our commitment is important. So when we are going to do some of work out or diet, ask friends that you already know that they have big motivation not friends who are too much talking and no action. Because they will drag you backward far from your commitment. Just look around and talk to your each friends about to go jogging in the morningor doing gym. See if they canceled it or not. If you and your friends could get along for more than a week, then it is your motivator friends.
3.Don't hang out too often with friends who have "big belly"
Sounds rude? It doesn't mean like that. I mean here, don't hang out with friends who are like to eat alot anytime anywhere. It's fine if we go hang out to the mall on weekend. But what if your friends ask you to stop in some junkfoods places or grabbing some ice cream everytime you go out? I don't think it's great idea. Once or second time in a week it's fine. But everytime when you walk home from office? Beside it's bad for your purse, it's bad for your health. Try to maximize your eating at home not going out. But don't punish yourself by not to go at all. We need to be happy right?
4. Ignore all the bad judgements from others
When some of people around you, know what you're doing. They will start to judge. It's a must. They are going to say "Hey you don't seem to lose so much weight? Why don't you just stop and join us!", "You're not look good at all in that pants. You said you have worked out. It doesn't look that way to me.", "You shouldn't eat that you are on diet.Or that also don't", "I see you're not going to have dinner. You're on diet."
Oh please those judgy big mouths are always open for you. So be ready.The safest thing is don't ever show them that you have your own food journal or exercise program inside your room. Just do simple exercise not aerobic one. And eat normally and don't refuse when your friends ask you to buy foods in night. Just walk them out at least it's good for your legs. But don't buy food because you already eat before night.
Maybe those are things that comes in mind. Some are happening to m some are happening to my friends. Sometimes I become the judgy person too. It's really annoying actually. But anyway be healthy and hottie!!!!!!

Working Out to Get Flat and Slim Stomach

I am sooo motivated to have a good body. Because yesterday I was so happy that some of pants are fit again for me, also my small tank top that I thought is impossible to wear, now it fits me perfectly. Maybe my weight isn’t coming down that much like what you think it is. But I think I lose some useless fat which had been buried for such a long time. At least they are burned little by a little. But as I told you in previous posts, I’m still looking for a way to make my stomach and tighs slimmer. So today I looked for the way.

I found a post which is posted by a friend on facebook about getting slimmer tummy. Wow, exactly what I wanted to see. I saw the picture which has many quotes and tips. I’m going to post it here in my own words.

1.      Exercise approximately 30-60 minutes per-day. (Done)

2.      Eat small meals often and don’t skip meals (Less carbohydrate Done)

3.      Eat fruits and vegetables with every meal (Done)

4.      Weigh yourself daily (Not yet)

5.      Keep a food journal with you always (In process of making journal)

6.      Remove all unhealthy snacks (I don’t have snacks, so Done)

7.      Store only healthy foods and snacks (Done, fruits, coconut biscuits, no noodles in a week)

8.      Schedule physical activities (Done)

9.      Eat at home often (always Done)

10.  Don’t use serving bowl (I don’t know what is this)

11.  Fill up healthy foods before dessert (I never had dessert)

12.  Make active choices for everyday tasks (I’m lazy)

13.  Don’t eat while watching TV (Done)

14.  Vary activities (not yet)

15.  Never eat from containers (Done)

16.  De-Stres before eating (don’t stress? Why should I?)

17.  Start with high fiber breakfast (not yet)

18.  Buy and use pedometer (not yet)

19.  Walk 30 minutes everyday (not yet)

20.  Plan a week's groceries (I will)

21.  Have a craving plan (oh sure)

22.  Reward yourself with non foods (If I ate too much I will regret and have to add more exercise)

23.  Use a weight loss online buddy ( I don’t get it)

24.  Wear blue (it will press appetite, sure I don’t like blue that’s why I always hungry)

25.  Throw out large plates (Done)

26.  Throw out large clothes (No actually, now I reuse my small clothes)

27.  Use mirror to measure (I use some body measure)

28.  Read labels on food product (Never)

29.  Avoid butter (I don’t eat much of it)

30.  Increase calcium (like calcium milk or what?)

I already did some of them, and it works enough for me. Beside doing those things, I have a video about shaping tummy and lower part of my body. It is soooooooo difficult, I admit. Some Pilate work out also included here. I just can do 2 or 3 moves and that wasn’t completed. This work out is about 10 minutes. I think I will try a little bit when I have some spare time, this exercise also good for me if I moved back to Jakarta. Needn’t much place and don’t make some noises in my bedroom. Be slimmer and hotter!

My Daily Plan If I Go Back to Jakarta

I ve been thinking about “Will I come back to my old habit if I came back to Jakarta?”

My lifestyle there was really bad an unhealthy. After pray in the morning I slept again. Woke up very late. No breakfast and changed it into “brunch” instead, with highly amount of portion. Sleep a lot in afternoon. Eat in the late night with also much foods which have too much calories and not healthy. Of course because slept in noon, I can’t sleep at night so I slept above 1 am. Think about it. Noone of it good at all. No wonder, after spending 4 years there, I could gain more than 5kg now. My homework  at home is to fix this huge mistake. Very hard you know!

It makes me thinking, if I go back there? My work hard here will be useless. I will be like that anymore. It got me so frustrated. If I worked, I would have no time to exercise. This time right now, I’m thinking how to stay healthy with hot figure as my resolution in early 2014.

Here, I set some activities in daily life when I start to work later. I MUST  do it. No excuses!

·         Wake up early about 3.15am for qiyamullail *tahajud*. I wish I can do this.

·         After that preparing some foods to bring for lunch in office and breakfast. Simple food is needed, so I’m going to make some simple menu from now.

·         Maybe about 4am-4.30am before praying doing some simple exercises or just washing clothes and then take a bath.

·         About 5am preparing to go to office. Since there we only got 1 bathroom for 7 people so have to be smart and diligent to wake up early just for booking the bathroom.

·         Go straight to office before 6am.

·         Maybe go home about 7pm. Eating a little. Then go shower or preparing foods for tomorrow.

·         Have to sleep before 11pm. And must cook rice before sleep.

Well I got some ideas for breakfast or lunch.

1.      Omellete veggie

2 eggs with salt,cabbage, chillies, onions, or sausage/meatballs, etc (put it in one place in night and place in refri so the next morning just crack some eggs and fry)

2.      Garlic Bread

Put some margarine in one place with mashed garlic and small chopped celery (in the night). In the morning just put those mix margarine into a pan and put some slice of breads into it and fry. So I don’t have to wash the pan for making these two foods.

Those are fast and simple foods for lunch. But maybe I can feel lazy to bring those all. So, I would just fry some eggs and put it in between 2 slice of bread and make some easy salads. I know I will be lazy that time and going to bring bread or milk to work. That will be enough I think.  For exercise maybe I can’t do more often anymore. So in Saturday and Sunday, I have to do jogging as I did a year ago and in afternoon I can have much sleeping as I need to. Don’t forget to buy some veggies in traditional market there for a week. Some green veggies, chillies, garlic, onions, rice, eggs, noodles, or fruits maybe.

Well finally I made this rule for myself. Looking forward to make it real in future. Be healthy and hot!

Fun Saturday

This weekend, really amazing day for my body and fitness. Why? Today mom took me to the skin center in my city. I think it's new place and it's pretty complete and amazing. Actually I'm going to post in this blog about my outfit that I wore today. But I didn't have a chance to take some pictures. So I can't post it. Just want to share about my unique outfit today. I will just give an imagination about it.
I used dark purple shirt, with sleveless outer made from wool (its color is brown). Also I used long black skirt. Not much unique right. But for shoes, I wore a pair of purple sneakers (it's my sister's). For hijab I used ready to use hijab with light green color and has some sparkling accessories in it. Yeah, actually it's not matching. Look weird. The reason is I need a simple hijab for doing some facial today. So i think it's working well.
Back to treatment time. Mom took me to that place. The name is "AESTHETICA Skin Center", which is located in KH Dahlan Street in Purworejo. To make it easier to find, it's in front of Columbia Furniture Store, and beside Platinum Computer Store. The place is really cozy. But the minus part is the receptionist not much welcoming and cheerful. Look gloomy and not friendly. Huh. But worry not! Because the service there is really amazing. Best facial I ever got. I chose whitening facial. Actually I want to choose acnes facial, but mom said that my acne isn't much, so I was interested to whiten my dark face.
First I had to take off my upper clothes and used "kemben". Ok. what will they do with my shoulders?
They gave me very nice massage. Really feel great. In my shoulders, back, neck, head, and the side of my head. It was the starting for my facial treatment. Really feel so rilex. And the other stuffs just ordinary facial, but still the best I ever got.
I almost breathless coz the sauna thing above my face, a step before they lighting my face and picked some comedoes. I held on my breath as long as I can. But I couldnt take it, so I took some air, it was really hot. My lungs felt so burned (that's too much lolx). I think the massager knew it and didn't put it on my nose too long.
Since then I was aware of being caught to hold my breath again. Worrying what surprising thing  that would be on my face. As usual facial, tears has to fall down when they start to pick, pinch, and press your comedoes out from your nose. That's really killing. I didn't scream, but my tears can't help to fall down. I even almost laugh to clean my own tears. It's much.
The end of it, I felt so clean, rilex, and of course sleepy. Mom said that the result is really bright and clean.Although there are some red spots because of the comedoes and little acnes. But I felt satisfied when they can find those comedoes in my forehead. I felt like "Yeah..that's it".
Mom also bought me night and morning cream, also face cleaner. She is really good. Thanx alot mom. The total of the cream and cleaner is Rp115.000,- and for facial Rp.60.000,-. Quite expensive for facial. But I think it's worth it and makes me want to come back again next month maybe. I read the brosure, alot of stuffs that they treat there for face especially. I'm interested with laser, Botox, and spa. But for laser and Botox it's in Jogja. Not available in here. Anyway for laser I didn't need it much. I still love my moles. Someone said it's sexy (lolx). For botox, I think I will do it after I'm above 30 years old and have some kids already. Hopefully I can get alot of money for that. Aamiin. For body spa it's available in Rp 800.000,-. Looks interesting but I still shy. Well I'm going to need it when I'm going to marry (lolx again).
Anyway it's fine here. Mom also told me that I look slimmer. That's why I do exercise powerfully this time. And lessen my eating fr today also. I feel also a little bit change in my tighs. It feels tighter. Eventhough it's not skinnier but it's nice though. Today is nice day. Except for having fight with..........

So Sick

What am I going to do? He just got accident and I was worrying, thinking bad things. He got mad and don't even accept my sorry. I can't say anything else. I just leave. He won't need me. He is angry. I should just leave him alone but can't. I wanna cry. I can't. People here. What am I going to do? I can't even swallow my saliva. I feel pain inside my chest. What am I going to do? He won't let me in. He kicked me out. He doesn't need me. He should has told me something. But I made him angry instead. I just a burden. He won't cry to me in this kind of situation. He will be here when he is feeling happy.I'm no longer needed anymore. What am I going to do? Tell me something...anything...I wanna cry but can't here. I wanna scream..it's too hurt inside.
If he needs me he will text me. I'm just someone who passes through not for staying. I guess it's why he treats me like I'm not part of his life.
i don't know, he needs sometime alone. Not with me. He needs doctor. Not me. Not me. Not me.

Applying Olive Oil for Daily Routine

This afternoon, I was just crawling in my bed. My mom saw me, and got mad. She said, in menstruation, a girl shouldn't sleep in noon. It gonna make my body stretch out. I opened my eyes directly. Afraid of becoming that way. She also asked me to use some of her olive oil stock to spread onto my body. I did do that thing daily, actually. When I was in Jakarta, even I applied that to my face, when my toner got used up. But since I moved in, back to my house. I'm kind of totally, deadly lazy, more lazy than a cow. I don't know why.
Ok then, since she reminded me to use some of the oil, I do that . I will just say olive oil as zaitun here, to make it easier to type. This oil has been known for centuries to all of women who want to have good skin and healthy body. Even in Al-Quran, it has its own surah, you know At-Tin which is Arab name for zaitun. So, I think, it is wise enough to include this amazing oil to my healthy list. But, actually I ate bad food today, because I feel not in the mood to eat anything or cook anything.I think my mom knew that, that's why she cooked already in early morning. Well forget it.
My mom has this zaitun, not zaitun for cooking. It is for spa or massaging.

The texture is really oily, but worry not, the more oily it is, the more moist our skin will be.Of course, it doesn't fit to use this oil if we have a plan to go out under the sunshine. So, I just used this oil when I really have free time at home. After having shower is good also or before we go to bed. But before, I also ever used other zaitun, from Mustika Ratu. The packaging is more adorable than this one. Texture of the oil is same, oily also (of course it's oil, which oil isn't oily?Oh yes the one which can be drank. S*nc*). But I don't know why the Mustika Ratu is better for myself. Maybe because the smell isn't too catchy like this one. Hmm..I still have a bottle full of it. But I left it. I don't know if it can be out of date or no.

Well, elegant is it?
But, whichever product that we use here is not the matter. Because, here I'm not doing any review to compare these two products. I just write about stuff that I'm going to use daily from now. In routine, not sometimes. I feel it's worth it.
I wanna stay young, I don't wanna have any freckles, neither wrinkles. Maybe I should eat again Natur E (how to write it?). Since I came back here, everything seems so paused for me.
I want also do some scrubbing to my face and put some masker like I did before. I would just do simple things from natural sources. Not chemical. I use night cream and I think it's chemical enough for me. So I don't want to add more chemical to my face. And for make up? I'm not ready yet to apply it to my face. Maybe I will be just very simple girl when it comes to the office.
Forget to add, I use zaitun for my face also. I use it with cotton and spread it to my face, I have this insanely dark spot which came from a big fatty acne, near my nose and left eye. Going to see if it could have some changing after I apply this. I know it's gonna take sometime. Maybe after 2 weeks. It's not problem for me. Because putting the zaitun on my face will also make my eyebrows and eyelashes prettier and healthier. Since I have bold eyebrows and long eyelashes, I should take a good care of it. I want to make my eyebrows have a good shape, truely like Lucy Hale's, but I think it needs a little effort like withdraw it with tweezer or dredging it out (this is scary). I don't want to. Not yet. So I left it alone. And for my eyelashes, it's a gift, I have long eyelashes, but it less bold though. I want it bold without even use mascara. Hmmm.. I haven't taken my eyelashes picture with mascara!!! It looks amazing. I was so excited to see my own eyes. How could all people think that I use fake eyelashes? It's real.OMG. Hmm.. I think I need to add mascara to my list. But I can't use it to office. Because people will also think I use fake eyelashes. Damn!
My writting going nowhere. It's my thing, when I write something I just couldn't focus. Afterall, be healthy and pretty!!!

Wednesday morning

This morning, my body smells so bad. Hahah..like it's important to write. I just finished my morning exercise. It's been a week and I feel nothing is changed.But, one thing is my appetite has gone for these couple days. Maybe it's because my menstruation cycle. Anyway, it's good for losing my appetite, since a week ago I was eating too much. Yeah, a week before menstruation is started, usually I get hungrier than ever. But nearly my menstruation or in the menstruation cycle, I lost it. After it's finished everything will go normally.
Yesterday I got a tips from my ehmm...cute 'friend'. He said to me to eat or combined cinnamons ( a tea spoon) into a water or any foods. He said it will help me to do diet. I read also on google, and it's true. Also lemon which is added into a water. But, here quite hard to find lemon. So i skip that one.I haven't tried his method yet, but I would like to try. Maybe it's simple thing. I'm still working on my rules. The minus point is, I'm still not able to chew foods 36 times. Always in 12th chewing, it goes down slowly to my throat. Should I take it up and chew it again? I ain't like a bird with 'tembolok'. Helloooooooo. It's really difficult. Because it's basically in our habit. Habit makes our organs work that way without we even think or order to. Besides, I never realized my chewing when I eat something. So, it just passed through the throat and gone.
Well, today I'm going to read some comics and download newest episod of PLL, season 4 episode 14. I ve been waiting this episode like 100 years ago. Finally, the day is coming.
So, by that it also means my holiday time will soon finished. Maybe after 2 months. But, I still got no information from my campus, ups not from my campus, I meant from my instantion about when will we start to work???But, I'm still enjoying my long holiday inside my room doing nothing and just chilling with myself.
I kind of think about someone out there. He is really understand me. Like totally understand me.Noone never have done that perfectly. Never thought also,it would be this long. For 2 years already. It's amazing for relationship like this. Noone could do this, yeah, maybe our commitment and trust, so it could possibly happens. But I feel it's on him. He never tried to let go. I do many times. Like all the time. But He never did. He ever did once. But I drawed him back. I could never lose him like that, not anymore.
He could read my mind, he could read my face. When I think about something, he would be just said "what the hell are you thinking? Don't think too much!" I don't even know what I was doing that time, so I just smiled. I feel like it will never work out with anybody else. I always push someone away. He already knew me, so he would keep staying. I don't know about anyother. They will leave and angry, maybe never want to try more.
He lives in sunshine country. Actually he is from the west side of mine, yew know. Ok, I always fall for guys from there. Hell why, I don't know. But he ain't like those guys. I used to fall for cute, handsome, almost look like actor, well those guys are shits. He isn't. He is just simple not that freakingly handsome but he is goodlooking, charming, and has very beautiful smile. OMG. He makes me fall in love again.
I really have plan this year or next year, if I got any chance, I will invite him to come here. For going there, seems like impossible things to do. But 2015 we will make it true, 2016 we are going to beat all the weakest things and prove to the world we could make it. And maybe 2017 it will come true. So long? Yeah it is. But who knows, within 2015 we could make it easier and faster. So 2016 I will officially changed my last name. Aamiin. Love u.

Old Stories From My Childhood Magazines

It's been a long time, since last time I wrote this blog. Missing you!
Since last Sunday, I was keeping myself busy with downloading and reading some old stuffs. Once upon a time, I had favourite magazine, named BOBO. I think it's everykids's favourite magazine in Indonesia. But, last time I read that, about 2013 edition, I felt disapointed too much. Because there, I could just found some silly advertisements which are made into a kid's story. Nothing fun in there anymore. I don't know, whether I'm too old to read that or the magazine lost it's precious contents.
So, I was just fooling around my internet searching. Good thing is my net speed is really amazing lately. So, the searching became more fantastic. I was looking for some old rugs of that magazine. About 80's or 90's edition. Yeah, that was the golden age of it. But I could find nothing. So I remember something. Once I read in 90's edition, there were some foreign comics inside of this. Like a bonus or something like that. It was like serial story. I found Pak Janggut! Wow.. from the name, I directly remembered the face of the character. Fat, short like a dwarf looking, has white long beard, sounds a bit like Santa Claus. He has magical bag. Like Doraemon. Well I remembered I ever had the part of the story. But that time, I never liked this kind of story. Why? Because it's in series packaging. I could not afford to subscribe whole of the magazine. So I just bought this when mom got money. Damn pathetic childhood. But I'm happy I could remember every great moment of it. Sometimes, when my mom asked me to go to Baledono market (a market which I should call an almarhum market because it was burnt down and nothing left of it...sad), she took me to a stall which sold old books and magazines. She bought me a bind of old Bobo, maybe early 90's edition. Wow that was a big joy I ever had. Kids nowadays will never relate the feeling I had that time. Full story, old classics fairy tales were there, besides it's cheap..hmm mom's old trick and it's never gets old.
Well, come back to old stories. Yesterday, I really used my memories to remember the things I read. I already got all full series of Pak Janggut (yeay!). So i just used some silly keywords to search on Google. Finally got some titles like, Prajurit Timah (this story really epic!!!), Emas untuk Misha (a marathon runner girl who has skin disease and always use weird yellow latex instead of clothes), and many more (actually I can't remember). But a lot of stories that I never read or heard that I downloaded also. But I don't really like Deni Manusia Ikan, so I skipped it. Never read this though. I remember an old story setting, which I remembered was a girl put a letter in the brick fence, ugh I can't remember. And Kucing dan Tikus, I remembered it, it was about two girls who always had fight in everything. Well i forgot again the next thing. Well, my searching will still continue. It's really nice to get the feeling from childhood back. I don't really do great things since I'm in long holiday. But at least it makes me happy. It's enough for now I think. I'm tired.

Places I Want to Go..

As a human living, we may wishing and hoping, even dreaming. I have a dream long time ago. I wanna go around my country, Indonesia. Out from this island (that I've lived for almost 23 years), Java Island. I never been to Bali. Yeah, so sad. Maybe that will be my next destiny before I have plan to work in region out of Java island. I have dream of going out of this island and maybe Insha Allah it will come true on next year 2015 when I work. Even if I don't know where, I hope I'm going to be in good place that will support me to be a better one, I hope also wherever place I will be, I can help to make people or instantion there better. Aamiin. I have no clue where I'm going to be but I'm sure He will choose me the best one. His choice never been wrong to me, as long as I'm living in this tiny world.
Besides that, in elementary school, I ever got some jokes with friends. In Atlas book, has some pictures about 7 Wonders of the World. There got many pictures, (Borobudur didn't count for our destiny), Great Wall China chosen by Rini my friend, Taj Mahal in India chosen by Indri, Pisa Tower chosen by Wati, and I got Eiffel Tower in Paris, French. Yes, that time maybe it was just some random jokes. We didn't realize how things are developing faster within 10 years. We didn't know that in our fingers, we could connect to other people in other side of the world. We might be made that as a joke, but who knows about future. The impossible things in present can be easily come up to the surface of the possible things in the future, or maybe it will be a usual/common things.
I'm speaking this things, why? Because I have a dream, that someday I can visit places that I want to be. Can I elaborate those things? I even had a dream about going in these places.
1.Mekkah & Madinnah
maybe sound so religious, but it's not. Everytime I see the pictures of it in sajadah or painting in the rich people's houses, I feel like it's very wondeful place, full of light and sacred. I haven't thought about some religious views because I was a little girl. Just like, is this place even real and looks like this pictures? Silly questions, because it's even more better than the pictures. I ever had real dream going there with mom and family, I was already on the plane, ready to go. Yeah, I hope it will come true.
2.Eiffel Tower, Paris, French
Yes, it was part of my jokes. I always wonder what it feels like to go there. Using coats, jeans, and boots with shawl, hat , and black glasses. The night view, the light, the breeze. Ohhh, someday I will go there. I never had this in my dream actually but I always want this moment to be real.
3.Japan
I'm 90's kid. Of course I know Sailormoon, Doraemon, Sinchan, Ninja Hatori, Chibi Maruko Chan, etc. With those cartoons, which grown up person from the 90's who doesn't want to go to Japan? Raise your fingers, I wanna see. Giving back the memory of childhood by feeling the real life in Japan, is a dream of kids in 80's and 90's I think. I used to think about how the circumstance in Nobita's house, I want to be Nobita's friend, I want to have Doraemon. It's a dream. But my friend from elementary school has made it there. See?? Nothing is impossible. I had dream there. Talking with Japan man, seeing some girls or kids in uniform, and there I'm also with my family. I don't know I study there or what. It feels so real if I remember the scene right now.
4. Australia
It's the western country which is very near from Indonesia. I had a dream once, using a car I go there underneath the sea. I even talked in English to some people there. All  I saw are blonde people. I saw the tag name of the street but I couldn't remember. Well it was fantastic, I was in Melbourne maybe. I want to go there someday.
Of course there are still a lot of places I want to go like whole of European countries.But those are the places that I've thought about now. We never know that in our talking or joking, it could be our wishing that has been heard by angels. So, be careful of what you're saying or wishing. We never know  what we are thinking as a joke that we think couldnt be true, suddenly be granted without you even wishing.

Happy weekend!

SET THE RULES FOR A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

I just saw myself in the mirror. Oh, noooooo... tighs are still shaking the fat, ass also bumping, arms, stomach alsooooo. I feel a little desperate, actually. Almost a week and I don't see any differences in my shape. Maybe it needs more than a week to see the changes after doing some aerobic exercise. Or I need to set my daily eat schedule? Yes, eventhough I do exercise everymorning everyday (because I'm in very long holiday), I still can't control my foods. I still eat junk food, junk food here as I live in village now are instant noodles and "gorengan". But heyyyyy don't you underestimate it, they are very delicious foods, simple, cheap, and yummy. Of course! that's why they are called junk food. What am I going to do?
I know that I haven't done the maximum effort for decreasing my weight. I still eat a lot, still sleep too much, and being a lazy cow. But at least I have made a move to myself, by doing exercise everyday in the morning for aboout 30minutes non-stop. That's quite progress for me. Knowing that I'm a lazy cow and can't hardly doing anything.
Here I am, trying to convince myself that I can make my body looks better in a good shape and healthier.I have to set some rules to myself. Well, I'm here sounding too much idealism. But, if I don't force myself to care about my own then who else does? My best motivation is pants. I wanna use pants without look like I have big tighs and ass. The other is Ashley Benson. She is really great, I wanna have shape like hers. In Spring Breakers movie (I haven't watched it) she looks so amazing with those bikinis. She has same height as mine (I already told ya) but of course different weight. But she has quite tendency to be a fat one. Because in her series PLL, she showed some changes. But who knows, in the movie, she needed to gain some of her weight because she was too skinny for the movie. Anyway, I love her curvy waist. I don't like skinny one.
But hey,I got shocking picture from her. She looks a bit fatty here,

That's the prove that she ain't born with perfect figure. She must do some workout though. Looks like she just or almost go for gym. Her workout routine are gym, Pilates, even boxing. Well I don't know much about Pilate and boxing. And I have no money to spend on gym center. So i would like to make my own plate.
1. Wake up early, praying, cooking as usual, eating some morning snacks
2. Doing exercise  for 30 minutes before having breakfast
3. Eating breakfast, this may takes a lot of foods but stay in control
4. Shower and then use this time for doing some stuffs
5. In lunch time eat as needed don't be too much drink much water before eating
6. Don't forget to try to chew 36 times
7. Don't sleep in the noon
8. Dinner before 7pm
9. Sleep before 10pm
Well, that's easy rules. I may want to add biking and sit up but it's for later if I can do these simple rules. Be happy and healthy!

WELCOME 2014...I'm going to miss you 2013

It's been a lazy day for me. Why? Because noone at home except me and grandma. So, I will just crawling in the bed whole day. But of course I've done my physical exercise -ehmm aerobic exercise- before an hour ago. But I haven't taken a bath, I even ate breakfast again Ohhhh damn. What's the point of my aerobic. It's okay, I have my second breakfast because the first one, I was giving my sister half of my rice. So I still needed more. Eventhough I wasn't so hungry, but my cook today is so delicious. So, I couldn't bare it without eating it again and again. *Oh damn*
I got new video for aerobic. It is an hiphop aerobic exercise. Quite catchy, energic, and young. I feel like becoming Agnes Monica by doing the dance. Haahah... This is the video, you may check this out. I have done it for 3 times in the last 3 days. My all body feel so wreck down. Hmm that too much.

OMG. I want to pee. But I'm lazy to go out room. I want to finish my writting first.
So I wouldn't like to blablabla a lot this time. I just wanna share my resolution this year.It's a common resolution, I mean everyone can have it. No trademark needed for copying mine. Hihiii
Well Okay, here we go :
I want to have a good body. By what? Lessing my weight. Yeah, it's not easy. But before I start to work I'm going to make sure that my body is under-exercising control. Everyday, for about 30 minutes doing aerobic. Sit up and biking may added. And then going to control my eating. That is one annoying thing. But I will make sure eating breakfast, snacks, lunch, and dinner before 6pm. Sleeping before 10pm is a must. Well I have a quite height. I mean most of Indonesian girls have height below 160 cm in average. I'm 162 or 163 cm I remembered, is a quite gift from God. Not much of 'very tall' but it's tall enough for Indonesian in average, I should have felt very grateful by keeping it balance with my weight.I made very huge mistakes by ignoring this balance.By reducing food, I know it will work out very fast. Maybe I can lose 1 kg every week without doing exercise and just eating lunch and breakfast with a piece of bread and don't have dinner at all. But this way it is so wrong. We can lose sooo much weight in a month. But what will we think if suddenly our diet mood has gone?  We are going to back as a monster who eat a huge amount of foods, out of control, and voila! we will gain weight much more than what we lost it. Kind of pathetic? But I read that by doing exercise, sport, it will lose our weight step by step. Not in instant. But first it will make our muscle tightened, converting fat into energy and muscle. So weight still stay but the shape will be different. That's what I'm looking for. Who cares about our weight when we already have hour-glass shaped body? Hahaha.. Yeah I want that firm tighs, legs, arms, and sexy stomach. Which is flat and don't have "bump" like what I'm having now. So physical fitness is very important. People can have very slim body but not all of them have a healthy looking. Maybe some of them look like pale, skinny, or sick people. Well nobody likes to be seen like that. I don't want. But having overweight body isn't helathy either right? I'm going to post my picture, before I'm doing exercise. Using skinny jeans and T-shirt. Decide, am I overweight? I think so... Huhu..need to get rid of just 5kg please to come back what I used to be. T.T
The other resolution is, I don't know yet..... but that's what I wrote above is quite something right? I was too much ignoring that thing. Even after my mom mad alot with me cause I eat too much. But now I understand why. It's not good to feel the fat around you. Well there's nothing wrong for girls to have a good body I guess. It's not for someone but formyself. Doing exercise give some charges for bringing my euphoria by increasing dophamin or something. Better do this thatn drugging is it?
Finally it's done. My feeling is happy, my body is healthy, what else could you want in this life?
These are pictures before doing exercise at all. I hope I can post different looking from these, hmmm..big thigs so disturbing.

Simple Javanese Food : Mangut Iwak Pe Asap

Today, I'm so alone. Not that I'm feeling alone but now really alone. My family is going out of the city to my grandparents from mom's side. It's in Bumiayu, Brebes Regency, but it's nearer with Purwokerto, Banyumas regency (which was my birthcity). Well, yesterday my mom bought me two plastics of "Iwak Pe" which is in English I just searched it, it is called "Stingray fish" or whatever. I don't really know. But you know fish which is looked like a flying kite with a tail. Yes, that! I hope you got it. My mom said, a plastic of it is about Rp 15.000,00. Not much expensive actually. Knowing that a plastic consists about 5 pieces of this fish. So today's food is cost Rp.30.000,00 for a day because I'm just with my grandma (from dad's side), it will not take a lot of food. Because grandma eats a little, and I eat alot. No...I hope not. Still going to do aerobic exercise after writting this.

Ok, after I opened the plastics, I put the fish inside a plastic bowl. And my mom asked me to put some hot water inside of it. Just to wash them down. Don't put the fish too long because the exotic scent of the fish will gone. You know, this is fish which was smoked or roasted. So the scent and flavour is sooooo "schorchy" like it was burnt heavily inside the fire :D.

What I was doing is just a very simple of cooking technique. Just "oseng" and put some coconut milk and done.

What I was needed just :

4 garlics

6 onions (bawang merah not bombay)

3 rawit chillies (actually I want more but grandma can't eat spicy food)

5 red chillies

a half little finger of terasi

gula jawa 

salt

2 spoons of cooking oil

1 coconut milk (instant)

of course the fish

What I needed to do just put the oil into the pan. Wait until it's quite hot. Put the onion and garlic. Stir it a little. Put some chillies inside, and then salt, gula jawa, and terasi. Stir-stir. And then put water, coconut milk, put the fish. Wait for sometimes. and then taste a little. If the fish is tender, then off the stove. Put it in the bowl. Eat with warm rice. Yummy.....this is damn tasty food. The smell of roasted fish (schorchy scent), the "gurih" taste of coconut milk, spicy-ness of chillies, are combined into one general tag line. Simple, healthy, and yummy!!!!!!! I really love this food. My dad ever got this fish naturally by fishing in the sea. We actually roasted this by ourselves. The form was still looked like the kite. That time I ate "arem-arem" and I took the meat of this fish and eat with that. Already felt good without even cooked it again. But it tasteless without giving salt,etc.

Well I just can post the picture, even if this is not good capture. But who cares about camera when you are good in the taste.